Sunday, July 18, 2010

For the first time in 2 years my mom has complimented the way I look. Since I put on the weight she would comment on how my clothes weren't fitting, and that I had to workout and that I just don't look good, or I couldn't wear that because I'm too big blah blah blah....

My mom is so critical of the way I look and has always been the first to comment if I look good or bad...sometimes it's great but sometimes it's really hard. It's not that she says it, it's really the way she says it. It has been like this all my life and I just always try to get validation from her. Everyone can tell me one thing but the moment I hear the  opposite from her, I ignore everything else. I think that my mom is probably my biggest trigger. When she comments negatively on anything in my life (money, relationship, body etc..) I will binge. I don't know why I seek this validation, we have a pretty good relationship but my decisions are affected by her opinions. My wedding, for a small moment, was turning to be more of what she wanted than what we wanted. I just wanted to have her approve of what I was doing and since she is paying, I didn't want to do anything she didn't like. It has made this whole process so much harder, and ultimately sabotaging my efforts because i get frustrated and i eat and eat and eat.

anyways today is a no eating day. I'm definitely determined to make it today. I have turned down/ignored food so far and it's already noon. it will be later on today where it might get harder. I'm thinking of getting a booster Juice (240 cals/juice) for my walk (350 approx. burned) down to the festival. tonight I'm seeing Weezer. hopefully it's a good show and rivers isn't a D-bag.

i missed yoga this morning because i slept in. I haven't been sleeping well lately and i decided that today was the day to catch up. tomorrow I will be going back full swing into my workout regime. i have to go Monday and Tuesday because Wednesday and Thursday are for my linen and fitting appointments respectively. Friday is a day off because I'm going on a girls' weekend with my besties (J T K and C). Saturday is going to be great because my girls are all fitness conscious. I'll be doing calisthenics and such while some of the other girls go for a run. The eating thing is going to be challenging because...well it's eating. BUT J is a vegetarian and T is on a super crazy diet for her fitness competition. so the food that will be cooked will be SUPER healthy and vegetarian. Now I just have to make sure that no one notices the small portions. Needless to say I'm super excited since I haven't seen my besties all together for such a long time! There will be a lot of wedding talk as well :)

anyways I'll update later on or tomorrow morning (depends on how much battery my blackberry has left!).

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