I've been lazy...

Hey all!

Sorry for not blogging for the last few days this week. I've been just so drained from work that I'm in bed by 7 most nights. I do have some good news though! I am FINALLY 139 again! Woo!

Stress + early nights = not eating + losing weight.

I guess I just need to keep myself in a permanent state of uber pissed off stress to lose the res of this weight. But I think that's worse for my body than just starving...we'll see.

So tonight I have a girl date with an old coworker of mine. We're going to this place called play (www.playfood.ca) and it's a restaurant of mini sharing plates. I haven't eaten all day except for some G2 and half a tomato. I have also taken 2 doses of my diet pills so ill be cafinated and I will have a higher metabolism to burn off the food and wine. I also did ashtanga yoga for the first time this morning and it was awesome! I really improved my flexibility! After dinner we're going to a lounge and meet up with some other people to enjoy the rest of the night.

I had my wedding hair trial today (can u believe that in 2 weeks I'll be MARRIED??). I'll post a picture tomorrow to show you ladies!

So right now I'm waiting for D to get off work (I was on my way when he txted me that he was going to be an hour late and I was pretty much already here). I'm bored and running out of things to write about. I wish I was shopping or back at home getting ready. I still have 30 mins left until he's off...GAH!

Anyways, I think I'll just play some poker on my phone and go on FB.

Bye ladies!
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Success yesterday and fantastic thinspo!

So yesterday was a far better day than Sunday was. After yesterday’s work eats I only had some asparagus and then spent the entire evening packing (D was really sick so I skipped yoga to get ahead on the packing).


Tonight I’m definitely doing yoga! I HAVE to since I have 8 classes left and I have only 8 days to finish them. So I’m assigning D to clean the car and workout what work stuff he wants to keep and what he wants/needs to get rid of. His papers are everywhere because we don’t have a filing system but half the papers are old e-mails he doesn’t have to keep. I’m getting just a little annoyed with him. I’m embarrassed to have people in my car with me since it’s a disaster!! He has to have it all done by tomorrow when he picks me up from work because I want to be able to bring packed stuff to my parents’ for storage until we move. I don’t want to have to keep the boxes at the apartment after next week since I’ll be moving back home until the wedding. I don’t want to spend another minute living with D’s aunt when she gets back from her vacation. I know packing will be near impossible so I want to get everything cleaned, packed and out of the apartment before this weekend. Especially since we don’t know when she’s going to be back (she’s horrible with letting us know).

I have so much to do between now and the wedding I don’t know when I’ll have time for me again! And I’m SO poor it’s really depressing  stupid house.

So I have a canker inside my mouth on my lip. It really stings and it’s really discouraging me from consuming anything but water. I managed to have a cracker this morning and right now I’m attempting to nibble on some green bean salad and almonds but the dressing is stinging my canker and the almond when it’s chewed up is rubbing up against the sore. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that I can’t eat but I want to avoid the binge monster again so I’m trying to just nibble here and there. I’m on bottle number 3 of water and staring at my lovely little tiny plate of food (only 85 grams of beans and almonds and I think that includes the weight of the plate as well) so I think I’m probably under 100 cals (but that’s IF I can manage to eat it at all). I’ve resorted to chewing some mint gum to keep my mouth busy for the time being and get my mind off of being hungry.

I hope because of this canker I am able to drop some weight like crazy over the next day or so. But my period is coming soon so I know I’m going to be bloating up. I just hope I don’t get it ON my wedding day. I will just be in pure agony if that’s the case. I would rather have it the next day on the plane and sleep through it rather than not enjoy my day because I’m sick!

I have this app on my iPod that is call iPeriod. It tracks my cycle so I know when to expect it. It says that I’m due on the 4th so I would have to be late a WHOLE week to have it effect my wedding day. So as long as it’s only late a couple days I’m in the clear. It will just suck to have it in general on the big day. At least I’m a little more relieved!

Work is starting to slowly kill me. Lol. I really can’t wait until my vacation. I have 10 days until vacation (8 working days) and then 18 days until the wedding!! Things are really closing in! Ack! I have so much to do!!!

Anyone want to come to Canada to be my assistant?? Or heck, anyone in Canada want to be my assistant for the next 2 weeks? It would have to be pro-bono work but I would really really REALLY appreciate it!!

So what do you guys say?? :D

Oh! So last night I watched the Miss Universe pageant. Such amazing thinspo!!! They were truly gorgeous women!!!! It just made me a TEEEEEENNNY bit jealous. They were all super tall and super skinny. It sucks that they fall in that percentage of women that can ACTUALLY look like that! I wonder how many of them actually starve hemselves???

OMG I’m a huge fat ass!


So I had a really really really great weekend. Liquid fast Friday, half portion at dinner on Saturday and did Bikram and skipped breakfast on Sunday. Sunday afternoon hit and the binge-fest started…it all started with a piece of 80 cal toast with a little bit homemade strawberry preserve. From there, it went onto sushi (1 california roll and seaweed salad) and then another piece of toast. Then was when the big monster came out…a WHOLE bag of ruffles chips with ranch dip!! OMG I wanted to die. I just couldn’t stop!

Needless to say, I’ve already gone over my diet pill dosage for today to try to make my body super energize to get it out and have a BM. I bought some baby food on my way to work and I’ve been nursing a jar all day. I’m almost done but it’s only 120 cals for the jar. It’s so sweet that I can only have one or two spoonfuls at once.

Tonight, I plan on either doing a Hot Flow class or another Bikram to burn off the rest of those disgusting chips. The other food yesterday wasn’t horrible it was just too much. The chips I need to work off. I’m so bloated from the salt that I’ve been chugging water all day to try to flush out the water I’ve retained. The scales have gone into hiding because I can’t even bare to look at them! And the lack of sleep I got from driving D into work this morning at 2 am isn’t helping the bloating either! Ew ew ew ew!!!

If I thought my dress was a little snug on Friday, I bet it wont even zip up right now!!!

I’m skipping dinner tonight and I’m making the excuse that I can’t eat before yoga and then just say it’s too late to eat now when I get home. I need to drop this weight FAST! I want to be slim and slender when I go to Paris so I don’t look like a blimp compared to the French women! Euro women are so svelte…they may not be stick thin but they sure as hell are not FAT!

I need to kick this and drop this fat like there’s no tomorrow. I need to be slender and slim for my wedding…I can’t be lumpy and bumpy…

Oh BTW…remember to keep good posture…it makes you look thinner…slouching makes everything droop and sag and lump so you appear bulkier than you actually do…I was looking at pictures from my shower and there were pictures of me slouching and pictures of me standing with good posture and I look COMPLETELY different…must work on keeping shoulders back…hmmmm…maybe I should start walking around the apartment with a big book on my head!

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Happy Saturday!!

I have been doing pretty well...Yesterday was awsesome!

At work it was just coffee and juice and water. It was great!

After work I went and had my final fitting of my dress and it fit perfectly!!! (well I could lose another inch in my hips but there's plently of time for that!) So my dress is now hanging up at my parent's house!! yay!

So after my fitting, I picked D up from work with our friend SB and we went shopping to finish D's suit for the wedding. He needed shoes a shirt and a tie.

Well we found him shoes for his suit, and another pair for every day. Then I found a pair of black booties and a pair of brown over the knee boots...I also bought the purse from Marciano that I've been eyeing for weeks! Needless to say we dropped TONS of money lol about a grand between the two of us yesterday! lol

So after our shopping spree, we went for drinks (it was about 10 pm) I just ordered some soda water and enjoyed sipping on that with some lime slices in it. All of a sudden D turned to me and said "I haven't seen you eat at all today. Did you even eat dinner?" I made some lame excuse about having some vegetables before I picked him up from work but he wasn't impressed and pushed his plate of nachos infront of me. I didn't have a choice...I took a few onto my plate and nibbled at 4 nachos (i made sure to get none with any cheese on it and I passed up the guac and the sour cream) So last night was a bit of a let down but 4 nachos with some salsa and peppers is about lets say max 100 cals but i made sure to have one jalapeno slice on each one to speed up my metabolism a bit from the spice. Today it's currently noon and I'm just sipping on my first coffee of the day. So it may be back to square one but I'm going full force.

Anyways, time to get ready for the spa. I'll take some pics with my blackberry and post them later on my way to the spa so you can all see my spoils!! lol

wish me luck today, I'll be at the spa until 5 so that's a whole afternoon with no access to food, only coffee and water! woo!

TGIF!!! The week is almost done!

Ok…so I have been absolutely buried under a GIANT pile of work these past couple of days! You should see my desk right now. I can barely see my actual desk because of all the papers on it! Pretty crazy!


So my intake has been pretty shitty lately. I have been eating breakfast lunch and dinner. In other words…BAD…yesterday wasn’t too horrible though. I had plain oatmeal (no milk) for breakfast and then a tiny salad with beets and grape tomatoes for lunch. I did go to my parents’ for dinner and my mom made enchiladas so that put me a little over my desired limit but I still managed to stay at a decent number (approx 800).

Today, I am doing a fast with Jess. I am going to see how long I can extend this fast for. I’ve already taken 3 diet pills and my daily vitamin. So I should get nice and jittery really really soon. I have black coffee and a giant water bottle beside me. In case of emergency I bought one of those smoothie fruit purées from Starbucks if I feel that I’m about to cave. I definitely HAVE to last all day today because I have my final fitting after work today. I have to make sure that I didn’t gain inches over this past weekend.

I haven’t had a proper #2 since just before the bachelorette. But I’ve also been too nervous to take my laxie…I’m not sure why, I keep telling myself I don’t have the time to devote to flushing out my system. It’s kind of true. I usually take it at midnight so most of it affects me early the next morning and the last little bits while I’m at work. My workload has been so crazy with proofing and meetings that I just couldn’t devote that kind of time away from my desk.

Ok, so I’m writing this post on a Word document because I won’t have access to the internet before lunch so I’m posting this way. The giant coffee and the diet pills took a bit of a laxative effect and needless to say without going into too much detail, I’m fairly emptied out. So my goal for the rest of the day is to drink as much water as I possibly can. I will not be getting up from my desk unless it is to do something related to work. I will not go to the cafeteria (I can refill my water bottle at the fountain) and I will not have any snacks/cake at the birthday part my department is having for a coworker.

So it’s almost 11 now, and I’ve done really well. I’ve only had coffee, pills, water and gum. I’m really nervous about my fitting. I really hope it’s not too small. I asked them to take it in so it would be tight. I just need it to zip up. I can work on any discomfort between now and the wedding. I’m cutting out salt from my diet between now and the wedding. So raw veggies or steamed veggies. No sauce no seasoning, just garlic and that’s it (if I choose). I really hope that I can be super skinny by the time I come back from my honeymoon. I will be constantly walking around Paris (cheaper) so I will work off all that I eat. I will be living on coffee most of the time but I will have to eat because I will be around D 24/7.

So tomorrow I will be having a spa day. I got a gift certificate for a spa package called Chocolate Delights and I am cashing in this weekend (believe me, I need it!). I get a moisturizing white chocolate truffle body wrap, and then a mani and pedi with smoothie and chocolate soaks and scrubs. It will be to die for! I just hope it doesn’t give me a real craving for chocolate or sweets. I have decided that I will lock myself in the apartment tomorrow (other than the spa day) so I can avoid anything bad. If I decide to break my fast tomorrow night, all I have in the fridge is veggies and 80 calorie bread. So unless I eat everything in the fridge I will only have a low calorie count by the end of the day! But I don’t plan on breaking my fast at all!

So I have a new BBM buddy! 100% to die for (her blog is All the makings of insanity). We started talking yesterday and it was a blast. The only downside is that she lives all the way in Australia!  So far we’ve only talked just as I’ve gotten off work and she was going to work! Lol so I will definitely enjoy talking to her, even though our time we get to chat is short!

I want to wish her good luck on her liquid fast this weekend!!

Anyways that’s all I can think of right now. I’ll post again if I have more to talk about. I’m about to go on “lunch” and I’ll be burying myself into my book! 

Work has been crazy this week (and it's only Wednesday morning!!)

Everything that could have possibly gone wrong has and things keep snowballing! The stress monster is back...I'm making poor choices because of my stress. I've managed to avoid binges and late night eating but my choices have not been the best (pizza, french fries etc...) I've put back on 2 lbs since the weekend and what I'm eating wont keep it there. Anyone have any tips on how to avoid stress eating?? I could use some distraction tips or mantras. I don't have bad food in the apartment but I'm stopping before I get home and picking up the bad food so I don't even get the chance to get home and cook the good stuff. It's all out of sheer apathy, I do too much at work that I don't want to cook or do anything when I get home.

I know it's my fault and there's no one else to blame for this but me, and I know I probably triggered this when I had McDick's on Sunday night.

Today, I'm attempting to just have coffee and juice during the day and then I'm going to have some steamed veggies tonight between my workout and Yoga class. I'm set on burning at least 1500 cals through exercise (at least 500 with my trainer and 1000 from my Bikram class) put that with my BMR and I'll have burned a minimum of 3000 cals. I hope this will help me drop down one lb tonight so I can get back on track. My final fitting is on Friday so I'm anxious to see how everything fits me.

Great weekend but major fail

So my weekend was fantastic! I did so well at eating only good foods at the shower and I only had a teeny tiny salad at dinner at the bachelorette!! I drank like a fish so my calories were astronomical

3 vodka crans
3 vodka soda bar limes
countless pornstar shots (really I lost count guys kept buying and i kept taking them)

So needless to say I was pretty trashed. We actually had a competition that night to see who could collect the most phone numbers. My sister and our cousin teamed up and were asking every guy they came across and were bragging about how well they were doing. I didn't really care about the contest but I got annoyed with their bragging so I decided to pull out "single" TK and show them how it's done. I managed to get 35 numbers that night. I had one guy follow me around for the rest of the night, until he figured that there was no chance of me going home with him. As we were going back to the hotel, these guys asked us what bar was good (it was almost 2 so it was weird they were trying to get in somewhere that late) I got all 5 of their numbers and one guy both his home and cell! lol and requests to join our after party lol. needless to say I kicked my sister's A** and I still have it! :)

Anyways needless to say the next morning was rough. We went to brunch and I had eggs and toast. I then proceeded to snack all day on leftover shower food and veggies. But my hangover and nausea wouldn't go away. So I did the unthinkable...a BigMac meal and a chocolate shake. My system did not like that one bit. I didn't sleep well last night and this morning my body told me exactly how much it hated me. lol So to counter that yesterday this is what i've had so far today:

1 serving oatmeal
1 1/2 cup of beets (no butter or oil just boiled)
Lots of water
diet pills

So I'm sitting at roughly 300 cals for the day.

I'm back on  my regime to get back below 140 again since this morning I weighed in at 141 (water mostly but i'm a little nervous about the McDicks I had last night).

I'm supposed to be getting pics from the weekend soon I'll post pics when i get them

The movie was awesome!!! It was definitely a nerd's movie. So many videogame references!! lol I can't wait to buy the books and read the comic!

So I'm back up a lb...I ended up not taking the laxie last night. My stomach was really bothering me last night with hunger pangs and I didn't want to be up all night with the cramping. I am planning on stepping out and walking to Starbucks for a coffee and just drink water all morning. I tried on my skirt last night and it fit so much better than it did on Sunday when I bought it. So I'll feel so much better wearing it tonight. I'm going to buy a coloured bra today to go under my white wife-beater.

If I eat anything today I know it will be burned off while i'm out dancing, it's the only think keeping me from freaking out over the amount of food I'll be coming across today. I know the booze calories are pretty much a lost cause, but it's liquid and I will probably get rid of most of it in the morning. But I am going to dance so hard I will be so sore in the morning.

Alright! Off to start getting ready! I have SO much to do!!!!

Moving forward

or down...however you want to put it...

Stepped on the scale after I got home from work...138!!! I'm DOWN 2 LBS!!! I don't know how it's possible but it is!!!

today all i had was a cup of soup and coffee...and lots and lots of water...this is the fastest things have moved down...a Lexie tonight and i MIGHT just get down to 136!! I haven't seen these numbers in years!!! I'm SO happy!! I'm not eating anything for the rest of the day even at the movies tonight. I'm going to see Scott Pilgrim vs The World. An Epic Movie of Epic Epicness...I have to agree with the preview critique writers...it looks pretty epic...I'm really excited.

So tomorrow morning is going to be busy busy!

I have to be ready by noon and this is my to do list:

Shower (obviously)
Exfoliate
Wash face
Face Mask
Hair treatment
style hair
iron dress
do  make up

Looks like I wont be sleeping in like i planned! lol

I'll update you all on the shenanigans of Saturday night on Sunday. Maybe post a pic or two!

140!!!

2 months! but I did it!!

I've thrown out my digital scale and gone back to the dial one. Surprisingly it's more accurate than my digital. I stepped on the scale this morning before I went to the bathroom (the digital) and it read 141.4 and then I stepped back on as soon as I was done and it read 142.8 (wtf?)! So, needless to say I took the digital and promptly tossed it into the garbage. No more digital!

so now I just need to lose another lb at least before Saturday. my plan is though to get rid of bloat on Saturday morning, I'm going to do a laxie on Friday night just before i go to bed I'll have all morning to deal with it and then I'll just have to make frequent trips every time I consume something solid for the rest of the day. By the time the bachelorette comes around I'll be done, empty and feeling great! (not to mention looking a little slimmer)

Anyways back to work for me!

ramblings and on the bright side....

Ok, so today is the start of my 3 day fast.

It's not going to be a full on fast but this is what it will consist of:

Today:

Coffee (as much as I want but only 2 cup can have skim milk)
1 organic 10 oz juice (160 cals)
Tea (as much as I want)
water (as much as I can consume)
1 hour HIIT workout
2 oz of chicken breast and 3 slices of cucumber

Tomorrow

Same as above before all day
1.5 hr Bikram yoga class (966 cals burned)
Max 200 cals for dinner if D makes me eat

Friday

Same as above but absolutely no food (D works until 9)
1.5 hr Bikram yoga class (966 cals burned)
100 situps

Saturday

no breakfast
yoga class if I dont' sleep in
Minimal food at the shower
Minimal dinner at the bachelorette
as low cal drinks as possible

I think this is totally acheiveable to lose at least 2lbs by Saturday morning. I stepped on my scale today and on the second step it flashed 140!!! But when I stepped on again to make sure it was right it went back up to 142. I am taking this as a small victory because I have never seen that number on this scale so it makes me pretty happy! woo!

So here are my most recent measurements:

RA: 10.4
LA: 10.5
BS: 37.75
RB: 30.75
W: 28.75
H: 36.25
BT: 39.25
RT: 22.5
LT: 22.5

So some changes on my upper body not much on my lower body. Can't complain though!

I need to keep a positive mindframe this week so I can acheive my goals. I can't get down on myself. I can't get jealous of people who have different bodies than me. I know I can't acheive their bodies because mine is different. Thankfully I'm graced with a small frame so when I do have a big drop that it really shows. But the other side of this double-edged sword is that if I put on anything or bloat it REALLY shows.

On the note of being with my friends this weekend and being larger than them is that they are all under 5'3. I am considerably taller than most of them so it would make sense that I weigh more and I am "technically wider" but with my height comes long legs that look great in minis and a defined waist. I guess that's how I can disguise the flab with my clothing.

So my friend who is doing the finess competition in the fall basically said that I should give up on maintaining and just keep on as I was before because it wont stress me out as much. Yay for encouraging me not to eat! but that means a lot more hiding and a lot more lying about what I eat. but sticking yoga classes in on most evenings will give me lots of excuses not to eat around D. I can't eat 90 mins before class and by the time the class is done it's super late and i just can't eat! It's funny, my friend is so supportive in me losing this weight but she thinks that I eat almost as much as her in a day. She doesn't know that I only have maybe a max of 500 a day on average when I'm trying to lose. As well she doesn't know that I spend almost as much time as her working out, and she doesn't know I'm constantly counting calories and negating them. I wonder what she would say if she found out my habits?

I was reading J's blog (Eat no Evil) and she wrote about wannarexics. It got me to thinking, do I fall under that? I don't consider myself anorexic. For one, I don't fall under most of the classifications for it. I do consider myself disordered though. I don't want to be this way always thinking about every little piece of food I consume and I hate my distorted view of my body. I am constantly told that I'm not fat and that my stomach is flat blah blah blah...but all I can see on myself is rolls, and lumps and muffin tops. I know I don't drop like some of you girls, but I do read about girls that bob up and down like I do. Sorry I just wanted to put my thoughts down somewhere...

Anyways, I should PROBABLY get to work and get something done before one of my bosses catches me on here! lol!

So I fell asleep

That means plan B.

I have 3/4 cup yogurt (200) and 1/8 cup granola (100)

I have my giant coffee (black = 0) and a 2L bottle of water. This is all I am having today before my workout. I have to get to the gym or the yoga studio every night this week. I need to burn what is already in me. I wont eat more than 500 cals a day until the shower.

I am going to pick and choose what i eat and maybe nibble on a few things. I'll just keep food on my lap to make it look like I was eating all day. The evening will be hard because my girlfriend is making spaghetti so I'm going to try to avoid that meal like the plague. I'll be consuming enough calories in booze alone to rack up somewhere in the thousands. I can't stick to my vodka water lime that I usually drink (very low cal) because I'll be getting fed shooter after shooter all night. Liqueurs have so much sugar...Baileys, sourpuss, blue curacao and all of those types of things. I do have to put a limit. I don't want to be puking my guts out so I have to Vito certain alcohols.

Today is going to be a LONG day at work. I have to get 5 ads done for one project I'm doing and I'm getting a proof from a client today that I will only have until Friday to get back to them. i have to get 15 different sign offs on this proof...it wont be fun :S

So my scale is gone wonky again...both of them...i think it's the humidity in the apartment. I took my measurements this morning and I've gone down about .25 inches in all my measurements...a lot have stayed the same but some did go down. I'm just confused. I feel that before my period i was tighter and more toned and now I've "lost inches" but i feel flabbier...it's not making sense in my head.

Laxie? Or no laxie?

I want to give myself a clean slate and clean myself out. I just feel flabby and my fat feels like it's folding on itself. I know the laxie won't make me lose inches but I don't want to feel this way.

I want to get rid of this bloat. I was at 147 this morning and thankfully I was back down to 144 by this evening. I know this is bloat and water. The flux is too much to be real weight but it's scary none the less.

This weekend I'm going to be surrounded by skinny girls and girls whose curves work for them. Ill be beside them; a flabby mess. I have to wear a white tank top and a black mini. There's nowhere to hide anything. I've gotten really good at finding clothes to hide the fat and flatter at the same time. But with the outfit for my bachelorette I can't do that. I won't even be able to sample the snacks at my shower earlier in the day. I hope I can down a booster juice before hand and fake eating all afternoon.

So I have my little pink pill sitting here beside me. And I'm debating taking it. I can't take it before 12 or else I'll be up at 4. So if I can stay awake ill take it. If not then ill just snack on plain yogurt and organic granola all day (300 cals max...it will be measured out).

Tomorrow I'm seeing my trainer and then filling the rest of the week with bikram. I need to burn off this fat. As much as I can. I feel like I can't do anything compared to you girls. You are all so determined and suceeding in your own goals and I feel like I'm at one of my stand stills again.

I wish I had the money just to suck this fat out and get it done.

We did groceries today. It was just veggies a bit of yogurt a bit of meat (for D) and my granola. There is no junk in the house except for my cereal which is my weekend treat. And I eat exactly one measured serving with 4 oz of skim milk. A total of 160 cals. I have it after my bikram so its burned before I even eat it since I don't eat before the class.

Anyways, no binge monsters for me and I'm sorry for the downer boring post.
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11 followers? yay!

welcome everyone!

So my weekend has been interesting. My Friday was a success. I ended up not having the soup (way to disgustingly salty) so I had only 200 cals before dinner and only had another 200 for dinner (stirfry).

Yesterday was just ridiculous. I had about kabajillion cals. I was at my family reunion and (all vegetarians please avert your eyes) my dad and grandfather roasted a whole pig. So I had some roasted pork, corn, brocolli salad, 3 bean salad, and then birthday cake (it was my dad's aunt's 80th birthday) and other various sweets and cookies. I also had vitamin water and pepsi to drink. so way too many calories in my opinion.

Today, I woke up went to my Bikram class (burned 1000 cals) and then had some fruit at brunch with my mom. I then had half a booster juice and a bowl of cereal (300 cals combined). so I'm sitting at neg 600 cals for the day. D is ordering chineese for dinner.

Starting tomorrow, I'll be working out and eating as little as possible to not raise suspicion. I need to  lose a couple of lbs for my bachelorette on Saturday. I bought this really cute little black skirt and it's just a TEEENY bit too tight. but i know i can get it to fit by the end of the week. I just have to work really hard. I need all the help i can get. anyone have any tips or ideas of how i can get there?? I could use the help and support!

Success!

So I'm finally back to 142!

I'm still a little bloated but I'm able to do up my smallest pair of jeans without any muffin top and not look like i'm pregnant under my shirts any more :)

Today my intake before dinner (vegetarian stirfy) is all liquid. I was going to take a picture but I forgot my phone at home.

1 venti Bold brew from Starbucks (black) - 10 cals
1 vitamin water (mega C) - 120 cals
1 Campbell's Healthy Request - Italian Wedding Soup - 120 cals (60 if I only eat half not sure how hungry I'll be yet)
and lots and lots of water
I might have another coffee later this afternoon I'm not too sure.

So by 6 tonight I'll have consumed anywhere from 200 - 260 cals! and then maybe another 200 at dinner so less than 500 today! woo hoo!

I also think i went down a 1/4 inch in my waist. I'll take solid measurements next week once Aunt Flo leaves so there will be absolutely NO BLOATING!! I hope the numbers went down!! yay!

So tonight I'm going to do a Yoga class and on Sunday morning I'll be doing a Bikram class.

Tomorrow I'm going to a big family BBQ so my eating wont be the best but it will be easy to restrict and not eat too much.

Wish me luck everyone!

My body hates me. Well...the feeling is mutual.

So I FINALLY got my period! It was starting to cut it close.

But it has been the most excruciatingly painful day! The cramps have been some of the worst I've ever had. I think I might have endometriosis. It was just too mush. I was in bed all day and ate haagen das and vitamin water. they were the only things I could keep down.

Tomorrow is a liquid fast to counter the cals I had today. I'm having coffee and vitamin water only and then soup for dinner. 500 cals day.

So my weight is back down to 144 so only 2lb more until I'm back to where I was. I'm going to get under 140 before the wedding. I don't care if I have to take the dress in one more time.

Anyways I'm beat off to sleep to go back to work!
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

one giant FML

I know this is a constant re-occurring post on this blog, but it’s really starting to become an issue for me. I really HATE my job.


I’m always under scrutiny, something I do is always wrong and I keep getting loaded with more and more work. I don’t know if I can take it anymore and I don’t know if this is worth my happiness. I dread waking up in the morning and I wish I didn’t have such good ethics when it came to work, because believe me - I would call in sick EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I have 32 more days until I’m on vacation for 3 weeks and I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it. I wish I could just flip my boss the bird and just walk out. But it’s not realistic and would screw D and I over for our house. I would have to find a new job before I could quit this one, and it would have to be at pretty much equal pay to make things work financially. This is not a decision I want to be thinking about right now. I just want to get through this last month and be happy and as stress free as possible.

This is my to-do list for today and it’s only 11 am. When I came to work it was only 4 items long. By the time 9 am came around, I had already filled my page and as you can see I had to add a sticky note to it and a page inserted behind it.

So last night I stepped on the scale for shits-n-giggles. I hadn’t stepped on in over a week and my weight was 149. Like seriously WTF? I don’t know what’s wrong with me! And it wasn’t some sort of fluke. I stepped on 5 times and the number DID NOT change! This morning I was 147. I know I was empty but I’ve been eating small portions but nothing bad! How did I gain 5-7 lbs in this much time?!?! I’m disgusted and concerned and all I want to do is fast and go on an exercise rampage to lose this all. But I can’t! I can’t get any smaller until after the wedding! But at the same time I definitely CANNOT get ANY bigger! I don’t know what to do! This is just such a shitty time for all of this to be happening. I’m cramping like crazy for my period but it’s 4 days late! I’m not sure if it’s the stress throwing my body off or if I’m just that much of a failure. All I know is that being broke until Friday will be good because I won’t be tempted to eat because I wont have ANY food in the apartment until then!

Anways this work day has killed me so off to get through my last hour and then go home to clean out a fridge and figure what to feed D and then go to bed.

PICKLES!

I forgot how great pickles are! 3 cals for 1 pickle!

I should go buy a jar...

That is all.
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

My day so far

So I woke up this morning (really early which kind of  sucked) and I hung out with the kitty.

At about 10 am D and I went to brunch. I had 2 poached eggs and some fruit. Not horrible but it definitely filled me up! After that D and I walked into town to see the annual Busker Festival. I have to say that it was pretty lack-lustre this year. We walked around for about 3 hours (about 850 cals). I'm going to try to see if I can get around eating dinner. If I can't, then just some veggies and soup. I'm sitting at neg 500 cals right now.

D and I are back at home now just sitting around relaxing for the rest of the day watching Extras on the Comedy Network.

I'll update later tonight