ramblings and on the bright side....

Ok, so today is the start of my 3 day fast.

It's not going to be a full on fast but this is what it will consist of:

Today:

Coffee (as much as I want but only 2 cup can have skim milk)
1 organic 10 oz juice (160 cals)
Tea (as much as I want)
water (as much as I can consume)
1 hour HIIT workout
2 oz of chicken breast and 3 slices of cucumber

Tomorrow

Same as above before all day
1.5 hr Bikram yoga class (966 cals burned)
Max 200 cals for dinner if D makes me eat

Friday

Same as above but absolutely no food (D works until 9)
1.5 hr Bikram yoga class (966 cals burned)
100 situps

Saturday

no breakfast
yoga class if I dont' sleep in
Minimal food at the shower
Minimal dinner at the bachelorette
as low cal drinks as possible

I think this is totally acheiveable to lose at least 2lbs by Saturday morning. I stepped on my scale today and on the second step it flashed 140!!! But when I stepped on again to make sure it was right it went back up to 142. I am taking this as a small victory because I have never seen that number on this scale so it makes me pretty happy! woo!

So here are my most recent measurements:

RA: 10.4
LA: 10.5
BS: 37.75
RB: 30.75
W: 28.75
H: 36.25
BT: 39.25
RT: 22.5
LT: 22.5

So some changes on my upper body not much on my lower body. Can't complain though!

I need to keep a positive mindframe this week so I can acheive my goals. I can't get down on myself. I can't get jealous of people who have different bodies than me. I know I can't acheive their bodies because mine is different. Thankfully I'm graced with a small frame so when I do have a big drop that it really shows. But the other side of this double-edged sword is that if I put on anything or bloat it REALLY shows.

On the note of being with my friends this weekend and being larger than them is that they are all under 5'3. I am considerably taller than most of them so it would make sense that I weigh more and I am "technically wider" but with my height comes long legs that look great in minis and a defined waist. I guess that's how I can disguise the flab with my clothing.

So my friend who is doing the finess competition in the fall basically said that I should give up on maintaining and just keep on as I was before because it wont stress me out as much. Yay for encouraging me not to eat! but that means a lot more hiding and a lot more lying about what I eat. but sticking yoga classes in on most evenings will give me lots of excuses not to eat around D. I can't eat 90 mins before class and by the time the class is done it's super late and i just can't eat! It's funny, my friend is so supportive in me losing this weight but she thinks that I eat almost as much as her in a day. She doesn't know that I only have maybe a max of 500 a day on average when I'm trying to lose. As well she doesn't know that I spend almost as much time as her working out, and she doesn't know I'm constantly counting calories and negating them. I wonder what she would say if she found out my habits?

I was reading J's blog (Eat no Evil) and she wrote about wannarexics. It got me to thinking, do I fall under that? I don't consider myself anorexic. For one, I don't fall under most of the classifications for it. I do consider myself disordered though. I don't want to be this way always thinking about every little piece of food I consume and I hate my distorted view of my body. I am constantly told that I'm not fat and that my stomach is flat blah blah blah...but all I can see on myself is rolls, and lumps and muffin tops. I know I don't drop like some of you girls, but I do read about girls that bob up and down like I do. Sorry I just wanted to put my thoughts down somewhere...

Anyways, I should PROBABLY get to work and get something done before one of my bosses catches me on here! lol!