Thursday, May 27, 2010

Does ANYONE read this?

So I just found a candy that has 0 calories! Ice Breakers!!! I bought some as mints for after my coffee and read the back and there right smack infront of me was the big gloriously round 0!

So it's been a little while since I last posted.

I went to my cousin's wedding this past weekend and I have to say for a whole weekend infront of familiy and lots and lots of food I did pretty well.

When I arrived in Montreal I started my period (sucky I know). I popped one of my pain killers so I could survive the day and not be bedridden. Now these pills you HAVE to take with food or they flip your stomach inside out. So when I got to my grandparents' I had some grapes and a small piece of focaccia bread with tomato sauce on it. I didn't have anything until the dinner. I ate the whole salad, and skipped the soup (cream of carrot). I had all the steamed veggies and only once piece of the pork tenderloin (approx 1.5 oz). So on the food front it wasn't too bad. I did, however, drink the bottle of red wine that was on the table. I then proceeded to dance the night away. So if anything I probably negated the calories I consumed :)

The next morning the families got together and had a big brunch. ALL that was on the menue were eggs potatoes and the meats...or pancakes. So I had 1 egg and 1 piece of toast with 1 piece of bacon. LOTS and LOTS of coffee and some fresh orange juice.

My bf and I got in the car and drove back home (2hrs) and I just downed water. We got in at about 3 and I slept for 4 hours until we HAD to wake up so we wouldn't be up all night.

Today has been EVEN better!

For breakfast I've had:

4 Strawberries
Venti Refresh Tea from Starbucks

4 pieces of pickled beets
1 artichoke heart
baby greens
1 slice of cucumber quartered
3 grape tomatoes
and half a whole wheat bun
(I know the bun is not the best but i was starving)

I had a small banana for snack and for dinner it's only going to be a salad. I will be cleaning the house tonight so that will be AT LEAST 150 calories burned and I plan to walk for 2 hours while the laundry is going.

I need to buy a new scale because the one I have, the dial CONSTANTLY needs calibration so I never know if my weight is actually accurate on it. I need a digital one...

Time to start shopping!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

That time of month...

So I loathe the end of every month. It's when I get my visit from Flo :p

I bloat and I bloat and I bloat!

My weight is only 2 lbs heavier today (which is AWESOME OK compared to what I usually put on at this time of month) but everything is puffy and flabby and doesn't fit right!

So I got a GNC flyer in the paper this morning and I saw that QuickTrim is on special. So I am buying the Fast Cleanse and the Cleanse and burn packs. So starting Tuesday, I'll be documenting how this goes. Hopefully I'll see some fast results. I've only heard good reviews about this product.

So...wish me luck!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

So still no followers...

I have to find out how to get people to read this...since right now I'm typing to absolutely no one.

So the last 2 days were not so bad for my fast. The way things were gonig I decided to do the fast5 (fasting until 5 pm) and then a small meal. It seems to be working. The only problem is today I haven't been able to STOP eating...

I've had a bagle with cream cheese, raisin bread and a plate of salad with brocoli, onions, rasins, beets, tomatoes and pickled red peppers. I know it's not so bad, but I'm STILL hungry! I've started chewing gum. I'm halfway through the pack I started today.

The only saving grace I have for today, is that I'm ACTUALLY seeing my trainer today. So I'll be doing an hour of circuit training today. So high cals being burned plus I'm working out outside in the sun (it's about 25 Degrees Celcius here today). So that should help me sweat out some calories as well :)

I'm looking to possibly try the QuickTrim detox plan next week. I have a friend that said it really worked for her besides the mood swings and irritbility that she had. I'm hoping I don't hve those side effects but we'll see what will happen.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Fast Fast Fast

Hello all!

So today will be my second attempt at a 2 day fast. The only caloric consumption I can do is liquid and 1 rice cake (baby steps here). BUT if I do take in any calories (in any form) I have to work double the calories off to create enough of a deficit.

Tonight I’ll be doing some circuit training with my trainer, so that’s a good few hundred calories! My calorie tracker says it’s roughly 700 calories for an hour! So I’m hoping to have a negative calorie intake of at least -600 (the 100 will come from the recovery protein shake my trainer makes me drink after every workout).

My goal for the rest of this month is that I will do this 2 day fast and then starting Thursday fast every second day. I think I can pull that off since I’m always around my boyfriend and my family. It will be especially easy to do the days I’m at work because no one is paying attention to me.

I think that’s the one good thing about not talking to anyone at work. You don’t have to go to lunches or have people bug you about not eating!

So my bf said to me last night that I have definitely “toned up” in the last 2 weeks. I’m not sure what that means but I still feel like a flabby mess. I know I’ve lost a total of 3.5 inches over the last 2 weeks (all over) but I’m still not seeing the results I want. I want to see my hip bones stick out. I want to change metabolisms with my bf. He is only 10 lbs heavier than me and I think it’s only because he’s 5 inches TALLER than me! If I could be 5’10 and be that scrawny at the weight I am right now, I would be estatic! Honestly, the number isn’t the issue with me it’s the fat on my bones! I know the as the fat goes away the numbers on the scale decrease. So I use the scale as one of my checkpoints.

So, as I am writing this, I got a call from my trainer. She cancelled on me yet again. So now I have to go to the gym and workout infront of people who are super tinier than me and look way better. Oh well more coffee and water for me. No point in getting worked up about this, my sessions are my wedding gift, so I'm not paying for this.

Anways I'll probably update later today. I should get back to work and get on with my day.

Friday, May 14, 2010

something to distract myself...

cross out the things you HAVE done!

1. Had A Threesome
2. Been drunk.
3. Touched a real gun.
4. Done drugs
5. Wrote on a bathroom stall.
6. Took “naughty” pictures of myself.
7. Had sex
8. Got into a fist fight.
9. Used Twitter.
10. Listened to Lady Gaga.
11. Been in a car accident.
12. Gotten suspended.
13. Gotten expelled.
14. Got a computer virus.
15. Had a hand-written diary.
16. Been allergic to something.
17. Had a dog.
18. Had a cat.
19. Been pregnant ?
20. Had a pregnancy scare.
21. Had unprotected sex.
22. Camped out.
23. Swam in the ocean.
24. Wore a bikini.
25. Met someone online in person.
26. Made a survey.
27. Used ICQ.
28. Failed a class for the year.
29. Repeated a grade.
30. Went to summer school.
31. Got straight As
32. Got As and Bs
33. Learned to speak another language fluently.
34. Read an entire book.
35. Recorded my own music.
36. Had an Xbox.
37. Listened to Rammstein.
38. Wore fishnets.
39. Bought skinny jeans.
40. Been in love.
41. Hated someone.
42. Been cheated on.
43. Cheated on someone.
44. Had a significant other.
45. Did something sexual with someone of the same sex.
46. Practiced Christianity.
47. Worn makeup.
48. Had a cavity.
49. Had surgery.
50. Had my license.
51. Been to college.
52. Graduated high school.
53. Attempted suicide.
54. Worn colored contacts.
55. Painted my nails black.
56. Broken someone’s heart.
57. Had my heart broken.
58. Cried for an hour straight.
59. Lost something very valuable.
60. Had sex in a car.
61. Got separated from my parents as a kid.
62. Broken a bone.
63. Gotten stung by a bee.
64. Eaten something bad/expired.
65. Threw up from being so drunk.
66. Had to put a pet to sleep.
67. Participated in a swinger’s party.
68. Owned an iPod.
69. Owned an iPhone.
70. Fell for a best friend.
71. Stole a friend’s significant other.
72. Had a serious disease.
73. Gone away from home for more than a week.
74. Moved out.
75. Ran away.
76. Teased my brother/sister.
77. Gotten into a verbal fight.
78. Been to the hospital.
79. Had food poisoning.
80. Had a job.
81. Been fired.
82. Lied to a friend.
83. Lied to a family member.
84. Lied to a significant other.
85. Posted a video on YouTube.
86. Started a rumour about someone.
87. Deliberately failed a test.
88. Dropped out of school.
89. Gotten my “private parts” pierced.
90. Been skinny dipping.
91. Counted to a million.
92. Counted to a thousand.
93. Ate deer meat.
94. Ate duck meat.
95. Had fast food.
96. Been to church.
97. Been to a synagogue.
98. Been married.
99. Had a divorce

So as I was going through this list I realized something...the things that are a little more fun to do...i was skinnier then.  I was happier with myself so I did more, had more friends, and went out more. Since I've put on this weight I stay at home more. I don't want people to see me. I don't have the confidence I once had.

So I haven't been on here for a couple of days. My eating hasn't been too bad. But it could be better. I plan On Monday to do a 2 day fast (day 1 liquid day 2 water)

This weekend I'm going to a bachelorette party so there will be eating infront of people and a lot of drinking. I will be watching what I'm eating (salads with no dressing) but because I'll be eating out my intake will be higher than normal.

So I am done my Xenadrine Ultra and I plan on buying the Xenadrine Xtreme. I need something with more oompf...But the Xenadrine was working so I'm just going up one :)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Not too proud of myself...

So yesterday started out great. Woke up, worked out, had my shake and then didn't have anything until 3 when I went to get a smoothie (200 cals). I had half (100 cals). I know it's not bad but when I got home there was NOTHING in the house. Not even coffee. So I went out to restock on some juice among other things and I pick up a pizza on my way home. I ate. After all the proclaiming I would last through the day with only liquids. I failed myself.

Well today is a new day. I'll be spending it running errands and cleaning the house. My parents come back from their vacation today. 

I did get complimented yesterday. My trainer's next client came in (I haven't bumped into her since before X-mas) and she said she could see the weight that I lost and I was at the perfect size. Now I had to be polite and say thank you...but all I could think was "what the hell is she looking at!? Look at my gut! and my hips are huge!" But, I just smiled and thanked her and went on my way. I know I've lost almost 15 lbs since February, but I still don't see any difference in the way I look. I'm still a cow.

I bought a dress for my cousin's wedding yesterday. I think I should have bought it a size smaller. Maybe I'll keep trying it on for the next couple of weeks and see how big it gets on me and if I need to exchange it for another size (or dress if they don't have that one by the time I go back). It's really cute though (can't find a picture).

So today I'm off to buy flowers for my grandmother and my mom and cards and some stuff for dinner (if my parents are hungry tonight). My room is a disaster zone so I need to get that cleaned along with the bathrooms and the kitchen. Wish me luck!

I'll update on my day later tonight if I get the chance.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Today's Plans

Ok so to recap from yesterday!

Today is a fasting day.

Before my workout I'm just having my vitamins and Xenadrine.

After my workout, I'll have a protein shake.

I'm going shopping this afternoon with a girlfriend and if I HAVE to have something else I'll be having something from BoosterJuice. I have to check out the cals to see what type and what size I'll be having. I'll keep you posted.

This lovely lady is my  ultimate Thinspiration:

Olivia C. Munn

I know she's not on the typical list, so I'll make this confession:
I am a bonafide nerd chick. Olivia is known among the video game crowd and is the host of Attack of the Show on G4tv.

Anyways, I must be off. Sorry for the short post today. I'll keep everyone posted with my success of my minimal liquid fast for today!

Friday, May 7, 2010

You have to love relationships...sometimes they can be so infuriating.

My fiance is a workaholic. When he's at work, I can't get a word out of him when I try to text him a simple question. So when we're done work at the same time and I ask him what we're doing tonight. He tells me...go to S's have some beers and a BBQ. Which would be fine if last night he didn't dump me off on S while I was waiting to pick him up. He calls me and says, I'm going to be later so go with S and I'll meet you there. It was the first time I heard that he had made any sort of plans all day and it was 8 pm. So since I really had no choice I went. Today, he tells me that's what's happening; but he's leaving tomorrow after work to go to my cousin's bachelor party! So I though we would spend the night together (go on a date...see a movie...go for drinks or something). So I leave (we have our own cars today) to go home and he says shortly after I leave that he'll be home soon and asks me what I want to do. I tell him I didn't quite know but I didn't want to go to S's. So I get home, I shower, I change and I get all dolled up for a night out with my man. 6:00 goes by, I txt him, he says he's just leaving work. 7:00 goes by, I txt him again worried, he's at S's because S got off at the same time. I lost it. Anyways, he understood what he did wrong and I used the anger to fuel an AWESOME cardio workout at the gym. 

I'm still a little pissed but not much I can do about it.

Tomorrow the plan is to see my trainer at 9:30 (2 workout is just over 12 hours apart...LOVE it!). Then I'm going to get flowers for my mom and grandmother for mother's day and then meet up with a friend to do some shopping. I think I might go to GNC and get a thermogenic pill rather than the drugstore diet pills. I'm ready to kick this up a notch. 

I'm hoping that after this workout I'll have dropped some water weight and lost a bit more. No food before my workout, a protein shake with some rice milk afterwards and then that's it for the rest of the day! No one to care if I eat or not tomorrow! I'll have coffee and that's about it other than pills and my vitamin regimen as listed in one of my last posts. 

My eczema is starting to clear up and I'm going to try that spring water stuff I got today. 

Oh, so sometimes I wear spanx under my clothing that's a little too small for me. They help with holding stuff in and making me eat less because it's uncomfortable since they're so tight. ANYWAYS...I put on my Marciano skinny jeans (my gauge on my progress) and I had absolutely no muffin top! Mind you, that's with spanx on. If I didn't have them on, I probably would be overflowing and maybe not even able to button them up. But last week I was definitely muffin topping over them. So I'm calling this progress!

I really want to lose at least 5 lbs by next weekend. I think if I can get down below 140 I'll have passed this plateau and a proper fast will be COMPLETELY obtainable!


Alright. So you know how yesterday I was saying it wasn’t my day? Well things only proceeded to get worse.

One of my good friends asked me why she hadn’t been asked to be a bridesmaid. That was a “fun” discussion. I almost had an ordeal on my hands.

When I finished work last night my fiancé ended up having to work late. So he decided that since he made plans to hang out with a couple that we know. He sent me home with them. Well we went grocery shopping before we got to their house and they buy dinner for the night. Well what do they buy? Stuffed salmon! 510 cals! I was dreading this evening! I was planning on skipping dinner and just drinking water for the rest of the night and I get the wrench thrown into my plans.

To make matters worse. My trainer cancelled on me again. So I wasn’t able to get my work out in yesterday. Now I have to wait for Saturday to get a workout in.

I am trying so hard to master my cravings. I wish I could purge. But it has to do something with my gag reflex. Starting next week I’ll be doing double time at the gym; every lunch hour at work (I’m spending too much time at my desk these days) and then after work.

Does anyone have any good tips to keep my mind off of food? Or even better yet, not eating when you are having dinner at a friend’s house? Eating out is easy. It’s just a side garden salad with no dressing and just some water.
Oh well, today will be better.

I’m not having coffee today since I think caffeine might be flaring up my eczema so I’m having mint tea all day today. I have a tin of it beside me at my desk here and I’ll be making frequent trips to the caf for hot water. My favourite thing about not eating is the money I’m saving.

So my coworker (she’s so sweet!) brought me in some thermal spring water (you know the kind that comes in the aerosol can?) to help me with my eczema. I’m not big on using cortozone (steroid cream) and she’s helping me find homeopathic ways for treating it. She has the same problem as me. As soon as she gets stressed it flares up. So tonight I’ll be trying it out. The can is SO cute, as it sits beside me.

nyways, I’ll update later when I have a chance. I should actually do some work today.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

not my day

So an update on last night: my sister made pancakes and I had one for dinner (no syrup or butter or any other toppings). I tried to find the smallest one on the plate and I paired it with 3 baby carrot sticks. For the rest of the night I only had water. I was super satiated and didn’t crave anything for the rest of the night, even when my fiancé made perogies at 10 pm (who eats that late??).

I don’t think that I could get through a day without my vitamins and supplements. I have built up a daily regimen that consists of:

1 multi vitamin
3 flax seed oil capsules
1 vitamin E (for my nails, hair and skin)
3 doses of diet pills (one for each “meal”)

This keeps me going all day, with minimal cravings and the strength to not binge.

Not only do the vitamins keep my nutrients in check but they help with my overall health too. I rarely get sick because I always have all the right vitamins to keep my immune system running.

I have a problem with food. My family background is centred around food. Being from an Eastern European family, if you don’t eat something someone cooks for you, it’s a HUGE insult. I try my best to eat alone to avoid situations like that.

So recently I’ve developed eczema on and around my eyes and this morning it flared up like you wouldn’t believe. It is the most irritating feeling and all I want to do is scratch scratch scratch! I haven’t been able to wear make up for weeks, and I have had to stop using moisturizing creams and now I’ve had to cut out my face wash too! I am going to have to go to the doctor’s or try to find some sort of homeopathic remedy.

Man…today is just not my day! I just got a call from my bank that my account has been compromised! This is not going well. At least all this stress is taking my mind off of eating.

I can’t wait to be skinny again. I looked at some pictures of me from a few weeks ago and my legs are like tree trunks! I’m really afraid now to wear skirts or dresses! I don’t want to show off my legs. My legs used to be one of my best assets. Well, only eating max 300 cals a day will get me there, and I’m starting back up with my trainer from 3 years ago. So I think I’ll be able to get back on track with everything

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Quest for Skinny

so this is my first blog. I’ve decided to jump on the bandwagon and start my own blog after being inspired by other bloggers who use their blogs to keep track of their weight. I have had issues with my weight since I was about 15. I’ve constantly been in flux with my weight. I’ve been everywhere between 118 and 165 lbs. I have a love hate relationship with food.

I think I might start this blog out with a little background on myself. I come from a family of small framed people. My mother is 5’2 and has trouble fitting into size 0 pants. When she was my age she was a tiny 99 lbs. Now, she’s about 110 soaking wet. My sister is 5’3 and is in the 1teens with a tiny frame but super curvy and all the right proportions with a teeny tiny waist. My dad, 6’2 and a thin lanky frame. So it seems that I come from good genes right? One would think so but somehow I got gypped out of getting those genes. I am 5’6 and I weigh 143lbs. I have been tiny before weighing my lowest just before I went to university at 118. That was the time I really started obsessing about my body image and weight. I was always the rounder curvier girl but after my very first boyfriend broke up with me just after prom everything spiraled out of control. During that summer, I barely ate and I walked EVERYWHERE. My food intake would be a blizzard from DQ (where I worked that summer) and that was it. The rest of my time I was walking. When I got to university, I was tiny. I was gorgeous. I was getting attention from people that would have never given me the time of day back at home. I got into the party scene and with the drinking and then the overeating that happens when you are drunk, I gained almost 50lbs within my first year. I jumped from a size 3/4 to a size 10/11. It was NOT pretty.

Over the next 4 years I yo-yoed between 165 and 140. It wasn’t until I left university that I managed to drop back down to the high 120s low 130s. I also went through a long hard breakup with my next serious boyfriend. When I left for my grad program the next fall I was back at my ideal body weight (low 120s). I couldn’t stand food and I spent all my money on clothes and other material things so I ended up not being able to afford it anyways. I came back home once I graduated and since then I’ve gained back about 25 lbs over the last 2 years.

I’m getting married in September and I want to lose everything I’ve gained and get back to the weight and body I had when my fiancé met me. I am looking for support and possibly anyone who would want to join me on my journey. I plan on logging my food intake (or lack there-of) and my exercise each day. Work makes it hard for me to be online constantly but I will try my best to update at least once a day.

So for today’s update :p

I have only had:

2 cups of coffee with skim milk
¼ cup of Fibre 1 cereal with no milk
2 doses of Xenadrine Ultra
5 bottles of water

I don’t plan on having more than just some veggies for dinner or a small salad. I have a feeling with the warm weather my fiancé will want to head to a patio.

I don’t feel that my diet pills are working, and I was wondering if anyone (if they read this entry at all) know of any strong diet pills. I’ve tried all the ones available at the drugstores (Hydroxycut, Slimquick, Rapidcuts, and Xenadrine). I don’t feel like there’s anything happening and some of them give me mad cravings and I end up binging. I want a good fat burner and appetite suppressant. Any ideas or suggestions on something available here in Canada??