Monday, May 28, 2012


So I did super well Friday. Friday night I had a Donair (super salty and I was up all night trying to process the sodium). I retained a shit-ton of water and spent the day drinking water and coffee trying to get rid of the water weight. I did have a small veggie omelette for brunch on Saturday and then a cookie in the afternoon from Subway. Saturday night I went out with my cousin's girlfriend and some of her friends for dinner and drinks. I ended up having the veggie Pad Thai. It had loads of veggies and more bean sprouts than noodles but the sauce probably topped off the calories on that. I had a belini and a glass of white wine with dinner and then a vodka cranberry at the bar. On the way back from the bar, the girls stopped at McDonald's, they offered to buy me something (I paid one girl's cover) but I declined. I did have 5 fries but better than having a meal or anything.

The next morning, my aunt and uncle made a big breakfast for all of us. I had a croissant and a 2 egg omelette with veggies a tiny bit of cheese and 2 strips of bacon. I didn't eat anything else until we got home yesterday afternoon. I did have a Peach Snapple in the car, when we picked up this awesome focaccia pizza at my favourite deli in Montreal. When we got home I ate what would be the equivalent of 3 slices of pizza (1/4 slab) and then had an apple, some crackers and then I just guzzled water all night. I know it doesn't sound like a lot that I ate, but I woke up this morning and weighed in at 137. I definitely cried. I haven`t seen that number on the scale since before Christmas (minus period bloat). I'm so close to 140 again it's scaring me.

I'm not going down for lunch today. I have my water, tea and about 2 cups of cantaloupe and about 6 packs of gum. I'm going to the gym tonight no matter what. I have my gym bag beside me as I type. I've been slacking in the workout department. I have been 100% sedentary, which is probably why I've been gaining like crazy and not being able to lose.

This week is going to be pretty uneventful. D and I are doing a double date with T and her husband. We're going for dinner and then going to see Snow White and the Huntsman. I'm still on the fence for the movie. I love Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron, but Kristen Stewart...I can't stand her. I hope she's not SO much of a focal point. I don't think I could sit through a movie where she doesn't emote one bit. Anyways, Saturday is going to be a task of figuring out what the hell I can eat at whatever restaurant we go to. Friday I have a work-ish thing. It's an Alumni pub night for the school I work at. I'm going as staff and as Alum so it will be interesting. But once again, cocktails and probably finger foods.

Anyways, I'm getting back to work. I have a lot to do.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Baby steps, when added up, take you miles

I'm so proud of myself this morning. I woke up at 136 and thought to myself, "Enough of this. I'm better than this." I told myself I would stick to under 500 cals today with only milk in my coffee. I packed myself an apple and 1.5L of water for work today. When I went to Starbucks, I passed up on the pastries (which I had an insane craving for). What made me even prouder (is that a word??) this morning, I was in the staff room and the kitchen brought in almond croissants and cupcakes as a Friday "treat" and I packed up my things and went back to my office. Without any pastry. It was hard. I looked at everything and all my co-workers taking from the tray and stuffing themselves with the food. My sweet tooth has been absolutely insane these last few days and all I want to do is cater to it. I've become addicted to sugar again. I need to kick the habit and really get my ass in gear. Baby steps. That's all I can say to myself. I did well in passing up something, which I'm still craving.

After work today, I'm getting a manicure and then D and I are packing up and heading to Montreal. Hopefully I can keep making these little milestones and come out on top after the weekend. I hope to be back at 134 by the time I wake up Monday morning. Nothing huge, but something showing me I'm on the right track. My tea on my desk is going to be my go-to for my mid-afternoon sweet tooth. I'm thinking of my jellybean tea (15 cals) and then I'll be having a booster juice while I'm at my mani.

On another note, I've been watching my stats lately. My daily readership is up. I guess I'm doing something right that people are reading this, but it's so quiet here, if I didn't see my followers and the daily stats I would think no one reads. I want to say, however quiet you all are I appreciate that you all still take the time to read my ramblings as repetitive or mundane as they are.

Anyways lovelies, I should actually do some work today to make the day go by a little faster for tonight. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Yes I'm FAT

Ignore the mess
Hello lovelies.

So I'm just losing control. I'm on a runaway gain-train. I'm heading to Fatsville and everything is falling to crap.

I'm so lethargic and apathetic it's taking over my life. My house is in shambles (yes I still haven't cleaned it yet) my finances are horrid (still have those maxed out credit cards and they wont be paid off any time soon) and my intake is just atrocious (ate horribly all long weekend). I don't know where this downward spiral is coming from and it scares me to death. I feel as though I've lost all control and I don't know how to get it back.

This weekend, I ate out Saturday night. I didn't eat all day then had a burger and fries at a pub then got DQ for dessert. Sunday I ate junk most of the day after working in the yard for a good 3 hours then ate ribs, nachos, smoked fish and drank lots of wine at a BBQ at a neighbour's. Monday, I ate out again (only a salad but lots of dressing on it an half a pear and brie sandwich) then another BBQ with ribs and pasta salad. Yesterday started off great then I ate half a box of Triscuits then D made home made philly cheese steak sandwiches. I didn't bother weighing myself because my new work pants were hard to zip up this morning. I'm huge, I'm gross and I can't stop. I can't sleep because I'm panicking from my days intake and then the stress from not doing anything is making everything worse.

Even if I wanted to try to fix things this week(end) I can't. I'm going to Montreal to visit my cousins and some friends and celebrate my cousin's birthday. There's a big UFC fight on Saturday night and a bunch of guys are getting together. So. Cue in pizza, booze, chips, wings and whatever fatty-greasy-grossnesses you can think of. The girls are planning on escaping for a mini girls' night but that costs $$ and will involve processed foods and booze as well. I can't win. And since I'm staying at my Aunt and Uncle's there will be massively huge breakfasts both mornings. I'm getting anxious just thinking about it. I don't want to go but I know my cousins really want me there.

I hung out with T on Monday and we were talking about all sorts of stuff and the topic of body image came up (as it typically does with us). She's pregnant again so she's worried about gaining too much but still trying to live normally and keep up her activity level as the baby grows. She started dishing out compliments and stuff as I was saying I need to get to the gym (as I've probably bored you all to tears with by now) and that I have too much fat on me. I got the whole blah blah blah you're not fat, you look great, you have great curves blah blah blah. I hate being humoured and I despise people trying to placate me. She's 3 months pregnant with a bump already and she still fits into size 4/5 pants. I'm lucky these days to squeeze into a 6. I'm tired of being the biggest out of our group. I'm tired of being the squishiest. I'm sick not measuring up to the rest of my friends. I don't even know why I even bother trying any more.


Sorry for posting this but I had to get it out. Thanks for reading this if you got this far. I hope not to post depressing stuff after this. I don't like posting this stuff but I can't pretend my life is perfect.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Other than my salad at lunch with the kids, this is what I'll be having today. Diet pills, coffee, water and protein plate minus the pita and cheese.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Whoa! 3 posts in 24 hours?

What??? haha!

Well, I couldn't figure out how to add pages to this new dynamic view crap format I have going on. So I'll just post Level 1 of the plan and the Detox meal plan.

I just want to make a disclaimer that I DID NOT create either of these and you can find these plans at .

Level 1 Exercise Plan
o   DAY 1: 20 Jumping Jacks, 10 Crunches
o   DAY 2: 30 Jumping Jacks, 15 Crunches
o   DAY 3: 40 Jumping jacks, 20 Crunches
o   Day 4: 50 Jumping Jacks, 25 Crunches
o   DAY 5: REST DAY (10 Lunges)
o   DAY 6: 55 Jumping Jacks, 10 Sit-ups
o   DAY 7: 60 Jumping Jacks, 15 Sit-ups
o   DAY 8: 65 Jumping Jacks, 20 Sit­-ups
o   DAY 9: 70 Jumping Jacks, 25 Sit-ups
o   DAY 10: REST DAY (10 Lunges)
o   DAY 11: 75 Jumping Jacks, 10 Leg Lifts
o   DAY 12: 80 Jumping Jacks, 15 Leg Lifts
o   DAY 13: 85 Jumping Jacks, 20 Leg Lifts
o   DAY 14: 90 Jumping Jacks, 25 Leg Lifts
o   DAY 15: REST DAY (10 Lunges)
o   DAY 16: 5 Minutes Jogging in Place, 10 Lunges
o   DAY 17: 10 Minutes Jogging in Place, 15 Lunges
o   DAY 18: 20 Leg Lifts, 10 Crunches, 10 Sit-ups
o   DAY 19: 20 Sit-ups,  15 Crunches, 10 Jumping Jacks
o   DAY 20: 10 Lunges, 1 Minutes Jogging in place

New Meal Plan
DAY 1:
Breakfast: Fruit Purée (½ Cup Strawberries, ½ Apple, 1 Orange)
Morning Snack: Buddha’s Delight Tea*
Lunch: Fresh Salad NO DRESSING
Afternoon Snack: Fruit (½ Cup Strawberries, 1 Banana)
Dinner: 3 oz. Whole Grain Pasta, Marinara Sauce, Garlic

DAY 2: 
Breakfast: Fruit (½ Cup Strawberries, ½ Cup Raspberries)
Morning Snack: Buddha’s Delight Tea*
Lunch: Fresh Salad NO DRESSING or Vegetable Soup (no noodles/rice/crackers)
Afternoon Snack: Fruit (½ Cup Strawberries, 1 Banana)
Dinner: ½ Cup Brown Rice, 2 Cups Steamed Spinach, 3 oz. Baked fish or Chicken

DAY 3: 
Breakfast: 1 Cup Oatmeal, ½ tbs Flaxseed, Brown Sugar, Skim Milk
Morning Snack: Buddha’s Delight Tea*
Lunch: Fresh Salad NO DRESSING
Afternoon Snack: Carrots or Celery with Mustard or 1 tbs. of Peanut butter.
Dinner: 3 oz. Whole Grain Pasta, Marinara Sauce, Garlic

*I changed the morning snack from Green Tea to David's Tea - Buddha's Delight*

Only liquids consumed are water, 1 cup of coffee and Buddha's Delight Tea.

Ugh I'm so Gross.

So. Today I weighed myself for the first time in about a week and a half. 135.8lbs. Not good. Mind you I haven't had a regular BM (sorry tmi) in a few days but still.

I brought some plain oatmeal to work with me to up my fibre (shitty fast food doesn't give you any) hoping this will clean me out a bit.

So the detox rotation still won't start until Monday, but salad only at work for the rest of the week and I'm having veggies or a smoothie/protein shake for dinner for the rest of this week. Since I'm going out for brunch on Sunday for Mother's day and probably cocktails on Friday night, I have to at least get back down to 132 by Friday. I'm also going to drink my cleansing tea every night this week and up my dosage of my diet pills. I know a bit of this is water weight and being backed up but I know for sure that I was probably at 130 at some point. I think last week I had an overage of a few 1000 cals. Yes, I wasn't counting. I felt so guilty eating like I was I couldn't bare even looking at the numbers.

I'm starting the workouts today. Hopefully, doing Jumping Jacks wont be too loud for anyone on the floor below me (I work in a really old building). But it's only 20.


Monday, May 7, 2012

Warning: This Post Will be All Over The Place

Hello Lovelies!

So this post as the title suggests is going to have a lot going on. I hope you will all read it because this could get long. Mind you I don't post regularly so verbal diarrhoea is a bit of a side effect of this. :p

Ok. So I'm going to attempt to figure out how to have multiple pages on the blog. I want to have things posted at the forefront rather than everything getting lost as I add more posts. I want to have a "Plan" page where I describe diets or workouts that I'm currently attempting and a "Miscelaneous" page to keep track of anything else I want to maintain in my life (Finances, Cleaning etc.). So without further ado, I will begin this post.

Getting Ready For Jersey:

So I'm heading down to Stone Harbour, NJ again this summer for a week. This time around, I am determined to be as bikini ready as I can. Not only do I want to feel good in a bikini (I bought 3 new ones this winter) I want to look good for D, and turn the heads of the life guards (they're yummy :3). So, I have developed a plan that will work towards getting to the gym regularly, and a diet plan that I can easily use to lose weight, still look like I'm eating but I can make acceptions for events (social or family) I found the plan here on Tumblr. This girl is amazing at giving moderate workout plans (daily stuff) that doesn't seem too intimidating and easy to accomplish each day. Her recipes are extremely low cal and super tasty too. I'll be doing her 3 Day detox plan repeatedly except for when I have an event or a dinner where I have to eat something which is high cal. That meal will change and the Afternoon Snack will be taken out to supplement. I will also be doing her work out plans (levels 1-4). This stretches over a total of 88 days. I will be starting this week once create a calendar for myself to do the works outs. The great thing is, is that I can do some days while I'm at work and a lot at home. As the days progress, some days will require me going to the gym (weights or use of cardio machines for extended jogs or cardio sessions). This will be all posted on the "Plans" page. I do not take any credit for this and I will link the blog on Tumblr again to give credit where it is due.


Miranda inspired me on her Shopaholic post to get my finances organized. I'm 26 for God's sake and my credit cards are horrendous. There is no excuse for the way I spend money and manage my credit cards. Miranda is fantastic with her saving and managing her finances, even though she has spoiled herself these last few months (TOTALLY deserving, this girl works damned hard). So I'm planning on getting my credit cards paid off by then end of the summer and then work on my line of credit. I have $4000 on my credit cards and $5000 on my line of credit. Ideally, if I dump $350-$500 each pay to my credit cards each pay (depending on bills) I can have them totally paid off by the end of August. My line of credit is joined with D so when he's done with his credit cards, we will both be putting in $300 each pay (depending on bills) to the line of credit. Hopefully we can get that mostly cleared so our next round of municipal taxes can be stuck on there in the fall (close to $1000 each time). D got his tax return this weekend so we were able to buy a new computer (our laptop died this past week) in full with only a small portion of the return (no $$ owing what-so-ever) and the rest he already put to his credit cards to get a head start. I'll be starting this payment plan on my cards not this week but the week after since I'm taking my mom out for Mother's Day and I have to get some new sandals as mine fell apart this weekend (Ardène's/Claire's here I come!)

My eating has been bad this last week as I have let D's poor choices affect me. Conversations go like this every evening.

Me: What do you want for dinner
D: I dunno. Whatever you want.
Me: If I knew I wouldn't be asking.
D: Well I can think of anything.
Me: You get home first think of something and take it out.
I get home from work and he hasn't done anything.
Me: So what are we having\?
D: I dunno. Let's order/go out.
By this time it's past 6 pm and I give in because I don't want to cook until 7 etc.

This week, I'll make myself something and he can just either eat what I'm having or fend for himself. I can't keep saying screw it. I'll be back up to the 160s in no time if I keep doing this. The plan will start next week (doing groceries on the weekend).

I am totally in love with David's Tea. I have never been much of a tea drinker (Orange Pekoe, Earl Grey or Green Tea) but these flavoured/designer teas are to die for. I have recently discovered their cupcake line which has Chocolate Cake, Ice Cream Cake and Birthday Cake. It all sounds and tastes completely sinful, but each cup is only 15 cals. I'm addicted. I am also in love with their "Here Comes the Sun" line and their Organics (Organic Detox and Buddha's Delight). My desk at work is just filled with little tins of teas and I indulge in multiple cups a day! I'm cutting down on my coffee intake which is in turn, cutting down on my creamer/milk intake.

This weekend my plan is to do a full spring clean on my house. I have made of list of tasks that need to be done and I will be spending my Saturday making the house perfect and working on my yard and getting my lawn up to snuff for the summer! So I plan on being busy and working hard. I should burn a few hundred calories doing this. It will be nice to have a clean house and starting at 0 so I can maintain the house rather than feeling defeated when I look a the disaster that is my house.

Well I should be getting back to work now lovelies. I'll leave you off with some pretty pictures!