OK so I promised to write more, but I really haven't had anything to write about. Should I write and complain about my job? My weight? My money situation? How I fail at everything? How all my problems have begun to seem like little snowballs that started at the top of the mountain and have now gotten so big that it's one massive boulder tumbling it's way down, gathering more and more speed crushing and picking things up on its way that really had nothing to do with the first snowballs at the beginning?
But I never want to bother you all with that. As crazy as things get, it always seems so trivial in the big picture of things. Like I don't have the right to be upset about my situation (which upsets me even more). The fact that I feel like this is starting to make me jealous of everyone else around me. I find myself saying things like"
"It's not fair. Why do I get the short end of the stick?"
"How does (insert friend/acquaintance name here) get it right?"
"What are they doing that I'm not?"
"Opportunities never land on me."
"Is there something wrong with me?"
I don't know.
It seems like every time I think I'm doing something right, it crumbles in my hands.
I work hard to clean my house and give it an overhaul and I get about 3/4 of the way done and I give up. Or if I finish it, I don't keep it up and it ultimately reverts back to the disaster it was in the first place.
My job. Bust my ass working for little to no appreciation. Accusations that I don't have the school's best interest at heart. My ideas are wrong and not in line, but when I do what they want I still am wrong. When I agree with them, I'm wrong.
I'm behind 2 months on my bills. My taxes aren't paid. All because of unforeseen happenings. During the thaw and cold snaps in March, a 25lb (yes I weighed it) chunk of ice fell on my car off my roof. Yes I was insured, but it was an extra $500 that we hadn't planned for. Neither was the gas for the SUV rental we got.
Since I last posted I've only lost 2lbs.
Planning on really doing a nice job on my yard this year and having moles dig up my backyard and skunks tear up my front yard.
It all seems to be one thing happens and then causes another thing. Like work sucks the life out of me causing me to not want to do anything once I get home causing me not keeping up with my house-work causing me to feel depressed in my own house causing me to eat crap because I don't care causing me to feel awful about myself causing me not to be motivated when I get back into work etc...(start the cycle again)
I've been putting out applications like crazy, and have only had one interview from it. The interview was ok but I clearly didn't fit in with the culture. It was for a music store and they all clearly looked like musicians. They were all well put together but each had a distinctively alternative look to them. I was too clean cut to fit in there.
I just don't know what to do keep my head above everything anymore.
Anyways...other than this crap things are relatively good with me. D and I are good. Family life is good. I have a roof over my head, a job. I really shouldn't be complaining. There are people with less or are worse off.