Stretched Thin

Just a short update for now.

Right now I'm at my wit's end! I have so much on my plate that I don't know if I can deal anymore. I have work which is driving me crazy with how much I have to do. I have the wedding where it feels like my mom is taking over and I can't do anything about it. My house that we're building seems like it's taking forever and it's not being done well. And it seems like my weight loss isnt' going anywhere!! I don't know if it's my period or something else but I'm back up to 145 this morning. I just feel like I'm stuck.

Any help? All I've eaten today was 3/4 cup of broccoli soup. Help...

Alrighty!

So after a weekend of eating "normally" I'm back on the bandwagon and back to my week-long fast (well 5 day). Saturday was a great day actually! I didn't have breakfast, and then went to try on my dress! I'll post pics when I get them from my girlfriend. It fit great! As of Saturday, They have to take in a bit in the waist and a lot in the boobs. The size I ordered was going to fit mostly snug with a little tiny bit of room in the boobs in case I wanted to wear a bra or something. But I've lost enough since the intial measurements that they do have to take it in. My first official fitting is on July 22. So I want to lose enough that the hips will have to be taken in a bit as well.

ANYWAYS...enough of the tangent...back to my consumption.

After the "fitting," my mom and I went to this organic, vegetarian buffet. It was REALLY good. I took a very small plate and filled it flat but not high. I had a very small piece of veggie lasagna and then a lot of salad. They even had organic dandylion salad! SO good. There was no sugar or gluten in any product. So it was very condusive to eating well. I totalled about 400 calories (estimate because of the pasta and cheese in the lasagna).  Dinner wasn't so great. I cooked an anniversary dinner for my parents, they wanted filet mignon with sauce that I make and a mushroom risotto. So the meal was quite calorific but I had a small to regular portion. I didn't try counting because I didn't want to know.

Sunday was a bit of a different story. We went for brunch with some friends and I had some fresh fruit and a croissant. Then walked around downtown for the afternoon and stopped at a pub. I munched on a nacho plate the table was sharing and had a lot of water. Not too bad. But then dinner, we were at another friend's place, helping them put together some new furniture. I was looking after the baby and running around with him. I was so hyped up and actually REALLY hungry, that when dinner came around (pizza) I had a piece and a half. I felt a little gross.

I didn't weigh myself this morning (due to have my period any day now) because I'm super bloated and I didn't want to stress myself out. I packed a piece of bread with some peanut butter on it incase I get it today and have to take my medication. My cramps are super bad and I have to take a pain killer to help me, but since it's so strong, I have to take it with food or else I'm throwing up for the rest of the day. OTHERWISE, Coffee, water, and my vitamins are all I'm eating today. I'm going to the gym later after work. I bought new workout pants from my FAVOURITE store EVER...Lulu Lemon. I got a pair of their Groove pants and their Groove Cropped pant. Check them out here http://www.lululemon.com/ !

I have my engagement shoot in a few weeks. So I'm going strict on the restricting regime for the next 4 weeks! I would love to hear what you girls do for motivation and keeping your head in the right place!

So I've been a little MIA this week. But overall my weeklong fast was...lets just say OK. On Tuesday I did pretty well. I managed to get through  my work day with just coffee a strawberry and a lots and lots of water. Even when the fiance (who will now be D just to make typing easier) and I went to meet up with friends I began with just a little bit of club soda with lime. But the smell of everything and everyone getting wings and ribs and beer and drinks and trying to force their food on me and I caved. I had wings, then I had some fries, then ice cream cake, Then I came home and had chips, and crackers, and cheese. It was one of the worst binges EVER!

BUT! Wednesday, Thursday and yesterday was fantastic! I didn't eat a thing on wednesday the most calories I had was a latte, and thursday was a slice of cheese to appear normal infront of my parents.  I fasted all day yesterday until mid afternoon where I had some soup and then some veggies at dinner time. The only reason I broke the fast was because I went out drinking and dancing last night.

Needless to say, I stepped on the scale this morning and I am now...drum roll please...142!!! *Da da da daAaaaaa!!! (those were trumpets)

So next week I will be repeating the fast. I will restrict today and tomorrow and then liquid fast all week. Coffee and lattes is where the calories will come from.

I've also started back up on Hydroxycut. So that seems to be helping with suppressing my appetite. It's working out well for  me. And going to the gym every day is working out really well for me too!

So today, I'm going to try on my wedding dress for the first time since I ordered it!! I hope they have to take it in considerably when I put it on! I can't  wait!!!! Then I'm getting together with my musicians to talk about my ceremony music. Then it's a family dinner for my parent's anniversary.

Anyways, it's about time I get changed and ready for my appointment. I will talk to you lovely ladies later!!!

New Week!

Hello Blogger World!!

Welcome Miah!

So this weekend ended up being an eating weekend. I had too much social/family time to restrict properly. I did, however, have 2 normal/healthy BM (sorry for the TMI) without using lax once! I spent my entire weekend (Friday-Sunday) working out or going for walks. I was never sedentry!

After reading up on all the lovely blogs I've been following, I think I am going to jump back on the 2468 bandwagon. I did it back in February (sort of mixing it up with ABC by basically adding some random fasting days or periods in) and working out at least 1 hour a day 6 days a week.I need to get back on that boat since I lost 10 lbs in about a month doing that. Starting tomorrow I am going to ATTEMPT a fast until Friday afternoon. As you can tell by previous entries I'm not that good at fasting. But a way for me to combat the nervousness at dinner time is having plain veggies or broth at dinner time to prevent me from caving and eating bad foods. I want to be down to at least 140 (lower would be better) by Friday since I'm going to a really swanky birthday party. I want to look amazing in one of my dresses...something a little more form fitting. I want to get lots of compliments.

My legs are starting to shape up well, but I need to trim and tone my torso and hips. Trim it D-O-W-N! This area seems to be my only real problem are and I hate it that nothing seems to be changing there at all. Even my ARMS are starting to look a little more toned! Do you girls have any tips or ideas on how to tighten that blasted area up??

So I started writing this entry while I was in a meeting at work. It was a meeting with a vendor for the entire department on new and different ways to get our brand/company out there. There were SOME interesting things, but my work doesn't like change and I know we wont really use any of these options. So I'm not sure why they wasted the ENTIRE department's morning with this meeting. It sucked.

So recap...I know this is a longer post than usual...I need to restrict/fast (preferably fast) and lose as much as I can by Friday. So lots of working out and lots of water, tea and coffee. I have a 1L bottle of water beside me as I type so I don't give in to cravings.

I found this AWESOME website that calculates how long it will take to lose weight by your intake and your activity levels. So if I stay to 500 cals a day and work out "vigorously" for 6-7 days a week I can drop 20 lbs by July 26! which works PERFECTLY for my goals!

Anyways, please comment if you have ANY tips or advice on how to shrink the belly/ribs/hips department!

I have a follower!

So I got my FIRST follower today! Welcome FedUp! I hope my ramblings wont bore you!!

So the last couple of days have been successes and failues.

So I haven't been to the gym in a couple of days, since I've been doing wedding stuffs. Tuesday I went to my reception venue and worked out my menu and my reception itinerary. Unfortunately, my parents had the bright idea to stay for dinner and do some "pre tastings." Anyways, so we all had to order something (me included) and I ordered steak. I didn't want to seem too out of the ordinary since a lot of the focus was on the food. FORTUNATELY, the steak was so tough and so dry I was able to make it seem like that was the reason I wasn't eating it. So I skipped dinner and was able to keep my cals below 300 that day :)

Yesterday (Wednesday) I went and looked at flowers. I had a coffee just before the appointment and then a small green salad afterwards back at home. Not bad but it was a planned fast day. I did learn that I can't do a fast when I take lax the night before. I almost fainted because my blood sugar and electrolyte levels were so low that one of my coworkers made me eat. So yesterday, I had about 600 cals.

Today, once again no gym because we have an appointment to look at our wedding bands. Now, I know this should be simple right? Nope. I have a uniquely shaped ring and they have to fit the band to the shape of my ring. This is MUCH better than what we first thought (custom wedding band) which would have been WAY too much money. So there is a matching band but it still needs to be fitted properly. So I have to leave my ring with them for about 6 weeks or so! It will be so sad!

So, that's my ring! You can see that they will need to fit it.

So today I had some celery and that's about it other than my morning coffee and water. Tonight for "dinner" will be a small smoothie from Booster Juice...I guess it's the Canadian version of Jamba Juice. Anyways that will only be about 120 calories and I can get a scoop of protein powder to go along with it if I feel like it. Tomorrow I will be heading to the gym all night while I wait for the fiance to get off work at 10:30. So 3-5 hours at the gym...lets see if I last :) I wonder how many calories I will be able to burn in that time!! Wish me luck! I might throw in a class or two to make the time go by a little faster.

Saturday I will be going to workout in the morning and then hanging out with one of my girlfriends later in the afternoon. We're probably going to go walking around downtown. I'm going to try not to eat at all during the day until I have to pick up the fiance. I'll write more tonight about how the ring shopping went.

So after a day of fasting...

I went for a walk downtown with the fiance, and we stopped at a pub for dinner. I wasn't going to order anything but he asked me, "Why aren't you eating? At least have something small." and he kept bugging me  like that until i ordered a side garden salad with no dressing.

Not bad...

Well I got home, and all of a sudden I couldn't stop myself I was eating chips...then a spoon full of peanut butter, and a  banana, and a soda....

I...feel...gross...

However, after my gross nasty bloat day, the fasting and water did really help with that. I dropped the 2 lbs from this morning and I'm back to where I was yesterday. But we'll see what happens tomorrow morning when I step on the scale.

I will lose 17 lbs by mid july! I will be thin  and one dress size smaller come the time of my engagement photos.

I looked at photos of me from about 2 years ago on FB. I almost forgot how tiny I was. I wish I had a scale back then. I would really like  to know where I was then. At least that would give me a comparison. But I KNOW I will get there again. I KNOW it's completely attainable. I just have to WORK.

My wedding dress still hasn't arrived. I have to call the boutique AGAIN, to see if they have an ETA. I do hope that it's too big when I do finally get to put it on for the first time. I want them to have to really take it in when I go in for my alterations! :):)

Anyways bed time for me. I might post some pictures in the next couple of days of where I'm at right now. Just of my tummy, and possibly a body shot from 2 years ago. We'll see.

So my eating has been pretty good of late. This weekend I managed to stay under 1000 cals at the marriage prep course I took this weekend (they served all sorts of horrible foods) and yesterday I had under 600 (we had a big family dinner so I couldn't get away with not eating).

Today to make up for this weekend I'm not eating. It's past lunch and all I've had is organice fruit juice to curb the craving for the pasta everyone seems to be eating here in the office today. But other than that, it's just been coffee and water. I've taken my vitamins as well as my QuickTrim pills and I seem to be losing the water I retained last night. I woke up SO bloated I had gained 2lbs! I felt so disgusting with myself.

Today after work I will either be going to see my trainer or just heading to the gym. Yesterday while I was there, I was doing cardio on the bike (I did 45 mins at 105 RPM) and I burst blood vessels in my legs! :o Well no skirts or dresses for me this week! I don't want people seeing the blue and purple dots all over my thighs! :s

I have so much energy today, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm super jittery and bouncy. I think my workout will help with that. I do have to say I am dreading after my workout when the fiance is off work. I will have to try to find a way to get out of eating dinner if I want to last all day without eating. If I manage to not eat at all today, I will extend my fast tomorrow. I am taking this fast at a moment by moment pace. If I set my goals too high I may fail, but if I set up little mini goals I can probably do better and last longer. I wont go for more than 2-3 days depending on how I'm feeling. This is my first real serious fast so we'll see what happens.!

Wish me luck every one!

I just wanted to point this out...

My Aritzia bag today was probably the best thinspo for me.

That collar bone was just amazing...

I took 1 lax last night and when I woke up in the morning I realized why I DON'T take them. I was abrubtly woken up at 5 am with violent cramps and the rest just isn't right to share. Let's just say it wasn't pretty.

However, after everything, I feel great! I feel energized, clean, empty and ready to start my day! I also went back down to 142. I was pretty backed up there for a while, so I needed to clean myself out. So that leaves me 2 more pounds until Saturday to lose! I can do this!

I had a banana this morning and some orange juice. I will be having some celery for lunch and maybe some lettuce and I'm going to have a booster juice for dinner. That will put me at 400 cals for the day. I pulled a muscle in the gym yesterday (I only managed an hour because of it) so I have to keep my intake low low low.

I'm keeping my intake low today so I can do a fast tomorrow and a 2 hour workout again. I need to get these 17 lbs off before my engagement photos at the end of July. Idealy befor then...well that is my goal to lose 17 lbs by the 10th!

OK...back to work for me!

Contradicting

UGH I HATE MYSELF!


I don't understand it! I read everyone's blogs and they inspire me to do well and to keep at it! But what am I doing WHILE I read??

I EAT!

How is that supposed to help me! I feel like I'm just failing before I begin! Every time I start reading, I end up getting hungry! Now I never eat badly, but I still eat a lot...It's just after noon, and I'm already 70 cals away from my limit. I'm going to the gym tonight to work back down to zero. I'm not leaving until I've burned all the calories I've consumed and heck! I'll even go into a negative caloric day! I must do this.
As I sit here all I want to do is purge...but I can't! I'm at work! I can't spend an hour in the bathroom at the toilet. People will start to wonder. I have to deal with what I've done and I have to beat it out of myself this evening at the gym!

My stomach feels bloated and heavy...I just want to puke!
I need to buy a scale...I'm making the bf drive me to the store tonight to get a body fat calculating scale. I'm stepping it up tonight. I'm sick and tired of constantly failing myself. I'm failing at work, failing my diet, failing my friendships, and it feels like my wedding plans are going nowhere...I have 97 days left and I still have SO much to do...and what am I doing about it? Sitting on my FAT ASS and EATING!

Gym tonight for 2 hours or I don't pick up my dress this weekend from artizia.

This weekend was intersting.

The dinner I went to on Saturday night, ended up being a F***ing FOUR COURSE meal!! bleh! I made sure to only eat little bits of the food so I wouldn't offend the hostess but stay away from eating. Then last night I went to the telethon for the local children's hospital for work (we were presenting our check) and then my bf's boss took us out for dinner...to the Keg...I still feel sick from last night. I ordered a really small steak with a salad instead of potatoes and nibbled on that...but people were commenting that I wasn't eating and watching me...so I tried to eat more...BIG MISTAKE. I wanted to purge SO bad when i got home but the apartment is tiny and you can hear everything that happens in there. So I took 2 lax before I went to bed and I had a huge BM this morning. It made me feel a little better for last night...but I'm doing double time at the gym tonight.

Cardio Cardio Cardio.

I'm also starting circuits too. Squats, curnches, dips, pushups, leg lifts. Pretty all inclusive :)

So today, I'm finding it really hard to eat (not a bad thing) I guess because I'm so disgusted with myself everything tastes disgusting. I couldn't even drink my tea this morning!

Anyways I have to get on with work but I'll try to update later.

So I'm diving back in.

Gym every day, no more than 500 calories (I've brought my calorie counter back out) and at least one fast day a week.

I went to the gym for the first time today in almost 2 weeks! I felt like a cow going in a seeing all the skinny girls working out. I did 1 hour on the bike with an average RPM of 93 (320 cals) and then the stair stepper for 10 mins (105 cals) so right now I'm sitting at a negative of 425 cals. I did have a piece of toast with 2 slices of tomato. My parents made me eat something. But with my new goals I'm sitting at a negative 925 cals for the day. Now that doesn't mean I'm going to eat all those but I can put on a face and not have to hide today.

I have decided that I will lose 17 lbs by the 10th of July. It's totally doable but I HAVE to stay vigilant! No more going to work outings at lunch. If I bring a lunch then it will be a 100 calorie pack of frozen vegetables (green giant steemers). That's how I lost the first bit of weight (I started at 156 at the beginning of my journey) I lost 10 lbs in 4 weeks. I need to get back to this. When I was focused it was the best feeling I ever had. I felt in control and that NOTHING could get in my way. I was awesome at everything. I need to get that feeling back.

I think I might go for a walk...

so my fast turned into a fast 5...

I didn't eat a thing until after work at about 6:30. My mom called me up and we went on a shopping date :):). I had a chicken pita wrap with lettuce and tomatoes no sauce (im guessing around 300 cals). So in total, with the milk in my coffee and the little bit of orange juice at lunch, I had about 400 cals all day.

To day is a new day and a fresh start. No needing to eat infront of anyone so brand new fast day :) I'm just finishing up my Venti Starbucks (brewed coffee with milk).

I bought the cutest shorts last night at Aritzia! They're trouser shorts. So they look like a mix between a pair of tuxedo pants and harem pants. They're SO sliming! and I can wear it with a little tiny tank with it too and I look SO skinny! I also bought this adorable flower print dress with a tiered skirt! But I had to put it on lay-away since after buying shorts, a tank, and a jersey dress for work...I couldn't justify the other dress on this paycheque...I do have a house to pay for and a credit card to pay off. Speaking of which, my bf and I are going to shop for our wedding bands this weekend! so I have to have at least a grand cleared off for that!

So for the wedding, I've booked my engagement shoot for July 28. I have to lose at least 10 lbs by that date. I want to look super slim for those pictures. It's almost going to be like an editorial spread. Check out my photographer's website http://www.photoluxstudios.com/ you can get an idea of what the pictures will look like from their samples! :)

My dress is still in transit (it's been bought and made but has to be shipped here) it was delayed because of the volcano in Iceland. I'm starting to get impatient! :o I can't wait to try it on with my veil and jewelry!

I'll update later on how my day went.

Fast

Doing a liquid fast today. I took the idea from Jess. Let's hope I can make it.

I've let myself go, and I've been consuming close to 1000 cals all week. If I'm eating ANYTHING I shouldn't be having more than 500.

The stress at work has been killing me. My boss doesn't like me,and it feels like he's looking for ANY excuse to get rid of me. So I'm constantly on my toes making sure I don't do anything wrong but at the same time because I don't feel valued, I'm not motivated to work. Oh, I still get my work done, but when I have a slump in my workload I don't go searching for more work to do anymore. I'm not sure if anyone out there feels like they're being micro managed every day, but that's how I feel. I keep getting told that I rely on people too much to do my work. So I try to be more autonomous. Then I'm given constant supervision...that makes no sense...and I'm told that these people are here to help me so I should work closely with them. THEN, when I have a question because I don't know something the tell me..."You should know that," or "what do you think?" Well I wouldn't be asking if I knew how to do it!

I think I should start looking for a new job. I feel my old habits setting in. I'm not happy so I stop caring and I shut off, and that means I don't watch what I eat.

So, today it's nothing but coffee (with a little milk), water, tea and a small 8oz glass of organge juice at lunch.

I'm going shopping with my mom tonight after work, so that should be fun!

I think on my lunch break I'll let you know how my wedding plans are coming along!