Contradicting

UGH I HATE MYSELF!


I don't understand it! I read everyone's blogs and they inspire me to do well and to keep at it! But what am I doing WHILE I read??

I EAT!

How is that supposed to help me! I feel like I'm just failing before I begin! Every time I start reading, I end up getting hungry! Now I never eat badly, but I still eat a lot...It's just after noon, and I'm already 70 cals away from my limit. I'm going to the gym tonight to work back down to zero. I'm not leaving until I've burned all the calories I've consumed and heck! I'll even go into a negative caloric day! I must do this.
As I sit here all I want to do is purge...but I can't! I'm at work! I can't spend an hour in the bathroom at the toilet. People will start to wonder. I have to deal with what I've done and I have to beat it out of myself this evening at the gym!

My stomach feels bloated and heavy...I just want to puke!
I need to buy a scale...I'm making the bf drive me to the store tonight to get a body fat calculating scale. I'm stepping it up tonight. I'm sick and tired of constantly failing myself. I'm failing at work, failing my diet, failing my friendships, and it feels like my wedding plans are going nowhere...I have 97 days left and I still have SO much to do...and what am I doing about it? Sitting on my FAT ASS and EATING!

Gym tonight for 2 hours or I don't pick up my dress this weekend from artizia.