Tuesday, August 3, 2010

one giant FML

I know this is a constant re-occurring post on this blog, but it’s really starting to become an issue for me. I really HATE my job.

I’m always under scrutiny, something I do is always wrong and I keep getting loaded with more and more work. I don’t know if I can take it anymore and I don’t know if this is worth my happiness. I dread waking up in the morning and I wish I didn’t have such good ethics when it came to work, because believe me - I would call in sick EVERY SINGLE DAY.

I have 32 more days until I’m on vacation for 3 weeks and I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it. I wish I could just flip my boss the bird and just walk out. But it’s not realistic and would screw D and I over for our house. I would have to find a new job before I could quit this one, and it would have to be at pretty much equal pay to make things work financially. This is not a decision I want to be thinking about right now. I just want to get through this last month and be happy and as stress free as possible.

This is my to-do list for today and it’s only 11 am. When I came to work it was only 4 items long. By the time 9 am came around, I had already filled my page and as you can see I had to add a sticky note to it and a page inserted behind it.

So last night I stepped on the scale for shits-n-giggles. I hadn’t stepped on in over a week and my weight was 149. Like seriously WTF? I don’t know what’s wrong with me! And it wasn’t some sort of fluke. I stepped on 5 times and the number DID NOT change! This morning I was 147. I know I was empty but I’ve been eating small portions but nothing bad! How did I gain 5-7 lbs in this much time?!?! I’m disgusted and concerned and all I want to do is fast and go on an exercise rampage to lose this all. But I can’t! I can’t get any smaller until after the wedding! But at the same time I definitely CANNOT get ANY bigger! I don’t know what to do! This is just such a shitty time for all of this to be happening. I’m cramping like crazy for my period but it’s 4 days late! I’m not sure if it’s the stress throwing my body off or if I’m just that much of a failure. All I know is that being broke until Friday will be good because I won’t be tempted to eat because I wont have ANY food in the apartment until then!

Anways this work day has killed me so off to get through my last hour and then go home to clean out a fridge and figure what to feed D and then go to bed.


  1. It sucks to hate your work. I used to hate my job and would get stomach aches thinking about it....i know it contributed to my weight gain....We got rid of a toxic coworker and now i'm back to being happy again. I wish you luck and hope everything gets better!

  2. I used to DESPISE my job. It was awful. Think about a light at the end of the tunnel. You have vacation, you get your house and maybe you can find a new job after that. I too HATE it when I have gained for no good reason. It makes me feel so out of control which I hate.