I want to give myself a clean slate and clean myself out. I just feel flabby and my fat feels like it's folding on itself. I know the laxie won't make me lose inches but I don't want to feel this way.
I want to get rid of this bloat. I was at 147 this morning and thankfully I was back down to 144 by this evening. I know this is bloat and water. The flux is too much to be real weight but it's scary none the less.
This weekend I'm going to be surrounded by skinny girls and girls whose curves work for them. Ill be beside them; a flabby mess. I have to wear a white tank top and a black mini. There's nowhere to hide anything. I've gotten really good at finding clothes to hide the fat and flatter at the same time. But with the outfit for my bachelorette I can't do that. I won't even be able to sample the snacks at my shower earlier in the day. I hope I can down a booster juice before hand and fake eating all afternoon.
So I have my little pink pill sitting here beside me. And I'm debating taking it. I can't take it before 12 or else I'll be up at 4. So if I can stay awake ill take it. If not then ill just snack on plain yogurt and organic granola all day (300 cals max...it will be measured out).
Tomorrow I'm seeing my trainer and then filling the rest of the week with bikram. I need to burn off this fat. As much as I can. I feel like I can't do anything compared to you girls. You are all so determined and suceeding in your own goals and I feel like I'm at one of my stand stills again.
I wish I had the money just to suck this fat out and get it done.
We did groceries today. It was just veggies a bit of yogurt a bit of meat (for D) and my granola. There is no junk in the house except for my cereal which is my weekend treat. And I eat exactly one measured serving with 4 oz of skim milk. A total of 160 cals. I have it after my bikram so its burned before I even eat it since I don't eat before the class.
Anyways, no binge monsters for me and I'm sorry for the downer boring post.
Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.
Laxies make me feel cleaned out and it's probably more mental then anything else since it's supposedly not "real" I do it when I feel desperate. It wouldn't hurt....but don't abuse it!
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