I just got my tickets!! woo!

So I'm feeling better(ish). I'm still a little nauseous but I'm not crippled over in pain anymore. Yesterday was just an awful day. I sometimes hate being a woman...well not sometimes...almost all the time but that's another issue.

I have a question? How do you motivate someone to start looking for a job? We're past week 2 of D not having a job. I haven't really fussed too much about him looking but he's not making an effort. I've left my resume open as a template and I've asked him to build his resume using mine as a template and then I would format and edit it afterwards for him. But he hasn't done that. He wants me to just write it for him. But when I don't know what to write I can't just write a resume for him. He hasn't even said what he's looking to apply to so I don't even know how to voice the resume either. I'm starting to get worried about our finances. We have money saved (thankfully) but it wont last forever. We need to start looking right now. My $16/hr wont last us much longer if he doesn't get a job. I can pay the mortgage but I won't be able to pay the bills or for food. Any ideas??

So, I had the ultimate comfort food for dinner tonight. My dad came over and cooked meatloaf with baked potato and coleslaw. (I had small portions) but it was sooooooo good. I only had 2 plums and some raspberries today at work so I planned for this meal. I have to say I haven't been this satisfied from a meal in a long time. I didn't eat much but I'm full (not overly) and I'm not craving anything at all :)

Anyways i have to run. D is getting curious of why I'm typing so much...

IMG00240-20110226-2015.jpg

These just came in the mail!

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Kill me now

Omg my time of the month is here and I'm at work. So my body decides to hate me and I have killer cramps. I can barely walk and I can't even lift anything into a shopping cart. I'm already on a second dose of my pain meds and I'm still going into spasms.

Kill me now
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Hello all!!

Well the last couple days have been decent. Yesterday was a 1000 cal day, but it wasn't good food. All I had was a hotdog (no bun) and some ice cream from work. With the large portions I just went ahead and rounded up.

Today, however, is going fantastically! I've had a cup of coffee (5) half a VitaminWater10 (5) and a perfect serving size of nachos (13 chips) and salsa (2.5 tbs) a total of 175 cals. So I'm sitting right now at 12:45 at 185 cals. I plan on having some canteloupe for snack (if I get the munchies) and then I'm making some stirfry for dinner for D and myself (I'm estimating around 500 cals because of sauce and chicken) I think I'll be staying under 800 today. Just enough to restrict with out the hubby getting "concerned" lol. I am going to the gym a little later this afternoon as well so if I have anything to say about it I may just end up with a zeroed out intake today. :)

Anyways, I'm off to do some cleaning and some veging out before I go kick my ass at the gym! Laters for now!

My thinspo

I know I never post photos of thinspiration (blogging around D doesn't give me much time to surf for images) but I want to create a post of the people I crave to look like and inspire me to get to my goals.

Candace Bailey

I just love how lean she is (and she dated Seth Green my UBER crush of 10 years) and how she can pull off super lowrise leggings and crop shirts.

Olivia Munn

My #1 Inspiration. I've posted about her before but her body shape and look is not like a model (but still awesome). She is probably my most realistic thinspiration.

My BFF T

Her discipline and dedication for her goals is what makes me think this is all possible. I just have to develop a drive like hers. If you want to know more about her she's started a blog about her journey to her next competition. Visit it at

build-my-body.blogspot.com

Kaley Cuoco (Penny on Big Bang Theory)

Her weight fluctuates throught the seasons. You rarely see that with TV actresses or they usually hide it better. And she's just so gosh-darn-cute :)

And finally...

All of you!!!

You are my inspiration every day. Knowing we are all moving towards the same end result gets me through my day.

So those are the laides I strive to look like. They're tight, toned and fit but still curvy (minus candace bailey). I know I wont ever be super skinny and my body type does have hips but I can get a flat stomach and tone everything else.

Like I said, I just have to develop a superstrong discipline like T and I know I can do this. I just have a problem with apathy. *sigh*

So my table and chairs never came last night. So I'm off to yell at EQ3 on why I didn't even get a phone call of why my delivery wasn't going to show up. Yay! *holds up sarcasm sign*

I hope all you lovely ladies are having wonderful day!!

So today is my last day of vacation. I go back to work tomorrow. I don't want to go back to the warehouse with every fibre of my being. Part of me wants to stay home with my hubby doing absolutely nothing and just enjoying eachother's company like we have all week. The other part of me wants to finally get a new job. I've been applying all week and I'm starting to feel down about a job. I'm nervous it's going to become like it was when I first got out of school. I couldn't get a single interview. The first interview I got after 2 years of putting resumes out there was my last job in the office. I'm already starting to get those feelings of inadequacy again. I know it's premature since I've only started applying recently but I can't help it. I'm already starting to feel like I'm going to go nowhere with my life. I have my mom looking for me, I have a few people she works with looking. I even have an old employer I "interned" for back in highschool trying to help me network. I hear that I'm getting all sorts of help but nothing ever comes of it.

Basically, right now, I'm just working for a paycheque. I don't feel fufilled. I feel like I'm going nowhere with my life.

On a happier note, I'm finally getting my dining table and chairs from EQ3. Took them long enough. I can finally have all my furniture and never have to deal with that company ever again. I'll also be able to have people over to my house and entertain like a normal person. I was starting to get embarassed about serving dinner on my livingroom rug.

Next Steps: Window coverings and Art. I need to start really decorating this place. The blank beige walls are becoming quite boring.

Anyways, I hope this feeling passes soon and I REALLY hope that I at least get an interview really soon.

Hello lovelies!

So this vacation week has gotten better-ish. I'm definitely eating better but my cals are still high. I need to get away from D. I can't seem to bring myself to skipping meals around him when he eats. But I am making better decisions. :) I did a Bikram class yesterday (first since October) and I missed it SO MUCH!!! I feel amazingly recharged! I think I'm going to go back tomorrow and take another class since they're open Family Day (weird Canadian Holiday).

Weight wise I'm right back on track. I'm now at 135. Yay! This is super slow going but it's getting there. I can't wait for work to pick back up again so I can restar the SGD. I am also going to make my way downtown to do Bikram at least once a week. I can't believe I almost forgot how awesome it made me feel :)

Today I'm going to my parent's for dinner and to do laundry. I am also applying to a few jobs today as well. I did some stretching this morning and when my muscles are feeling a little less stiff I'm going to head to the gym for a cardio workout and some arms. Here's to hoping I lose some more by tomorrow :)

Anyways, I'll post again later this week.

I'M GOING TO SEE NKOTBSB IN MONTREAL!!!!!!!

That is all.

I'm still alive

Hello lovelies.

I'm still here, I've been reading your blogs and staying caught up on everyone's goings ons.

D and I have been enjoying our staycation and have been taking it very easy. Saturday, we went downtown and browsed around the mall (didn't buy anything) and picked up some of our wedding gifts from The Bay. Sunday, we went to visit some friends then did dinner with my family that night. Valentine's day consisted of grocery shopping in the morning, and then being lazy all day and then cooked dinner that night. Yesterday, I baked cookies (bad idea with no explanation neccessary) and played video games. We watched RED and the A Team. Both are really great movies.

I've been mastering RockBand 3 and The Sims 3 (yes I can be a huge nerd at times), but I haven't been using this time off to go to the gym. I've been eating too much bad food and I've gained 2lbs since last Friday. Most is probably water from all the sugar and salt, but today is the day I get back on track. I have celery and lots of salad fixings plus tilapia that needs to be cooked up. The rest of this week will be healthy veggies and light proteins. No more red meat and no more bad carbs. I need to buy some more fruit and then pick back up the SGD.

Today, we're heading back downtown to buy the last setting of our china, since the sets are 40% off and we have a gift card that needs to be used. I'm thinking of buying 1 or 2 expansion packs for my Sims game since I'm starting to get bored with the gameplay. I'm in my 3rd generation of the family and having so little things to do is getting tiring. D's been replaying MassEffect and playing through both games as a bad character (for any of my readers who are also nerds). Speaking of video games, I saw a teaser trailer yesterday for a new Alice in Wonderland game, something along the lines of American McGee's Alice. Looks pretty awesome and the design is pretty trippy looking.

Tomorrow, will be laundry and resume building and job applying since we haven't done any of that yet. We also have to get our car fixed. Our headlights are out and our pump for our windhsield washer fluid pumps are shot. So we'll be spending some time at the repair shop

I know this post hasn't been too much food related, but there's no point in beating myself up right now over my failures (I recognize them as failures but I don't see why I should complain it's my own fault). I'm just picking myself up and starting over and making a real effort to better myself and instill dicipline in my life. I need routine and habit.

Anyways D is almost done getting ready so I'm off for now and I'll post again when I get a chance. Hopefully I'll have something to really talk about and some good news as well.

Thanks girls for your well wishes. Unfortunately D lost his job. Is it wrong for me to just want to tell the company to F off? All I know is that if I ever see either of his bosses, and they try to talk to me I will be so nasty to them. They should know enough to just leave me alone.

The only good thing of this is that they paid out his vacation for the year so we have some $$ to last us a couple of months with my paycheques. Our vacation is now 100% cancelled and we will be spending next week putting out resumes and hopefully getting interviews.

Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.
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Well today's the day we find out if D still has his job or not. I'm hoping for a demotion back to hourly rather than termination, but D is expecting to be fired.

We'll see what happens. This will be the longest morning of my life.

So Sunday was a good day. I ended up having my parents over to watch the game. I made some wings, sandwiches and had veggies fruit and cheeses to much on before and after dinner. I stuck to the fruits and veggies to keep my intake at "0" so to speak.

Yesterday was an awesome day. I bought Hydroxycut Max the day before and replenished my Waterex. I managed to lose 3lbs yesterday (137-134) I know it was all water weight but it was a great thing to see. Yesterday I had a total intake of 200.

So that's been the good part of my week.

Have you ever found that the moment things start going well, life has some crazy way to go F you and just screw you over? Well I do, at least. Remember a few weeks ago, the e-mail that I got from that crazy bitch about D cheating on me? Well it seemslike they went to his boss and he's  being investigated for sexual harassment. He has been suspended indefinitely, without pay, pending investigation. He may not have a job by next week, so our vacation is also suspended.

This company keeps fucking us over time and time again. We have worked our asses off, working shitty shifts and missing out on a lot of personal and social events in our lives. I'm so worried about D. He's trying to put on a brave face, but I know he's really scared. He has been with the company for 10 years and he is about to lose everything he's worked for to get to where he's gotten to. I wish there was something I can do.

Today I didn't eat anything but I also didn't bring food with me to work. When I got home, I binged. Within a period of 15 mins, I had bread and spinach dip, chips, noodles and beef in black bean sauce, and brussle sprouts in butter (green giant steamers). I know that I'll be right back at 137. I know I ruined my success of just yesterday.

Well anyways, I thought this post was going to be a lot longer, but I'm so stressed and confused and feel too guilty to really write any more.

I hope all of you lovelies are doing well and are having better weeks than I am having.

Superbowl Sunday

Hello!

I know I'm posting barely 12 hours apart. Let's just say I'm bored.

Today is going to be a relaxing quiet day...ish...D is still sleeping from his inventory last night (he only got home at 4 am). I've already cleaned the kitchen and done the dishes. I had 6 egg whites (approx 100 depending on the calorie counter) this moring for breakfast with some hot sauce on them. My allowance for today is 650 again as it's the weekend. I might go to my parents tonight for dinner (roast beef and veggies etc) so the 550 I have left is all I can have for the rest of the day.

I'm not sure where the success is coming from. I went months where I tried and tried to restrict and eat better only to come to the end of the day and just ruin it all. I'm not sure if it's because I've increased my water intake or if I'm just back in the zone. All I know is that I'm super happy that I'm back on my game. Let's see if the scale starts really moving again this week. I was 137 again this morning. It's way better than seeing 138 or higher every morning. This is day 3 in a row so I know that I really have successfully made it to 137.

Tomorrow is the dreaded bathingsuit shopping day. I didn't make it down to 130 but I think I've hopefully toned enough to look decent in a bikini. So my vacation prep for the next week is going to be intense. I'm going to the gym every day from tuesday onwards (no matter what time), I have to get at least one bathing suit and sandals. Saturday I'm getting my hair done and my nails done and a pedicure as well. Just one whole day of pampering. I also want to get a spray tan (very light) so I don't look nasty pale on my first day there. My paycheque is already spoken for on all of my vain selfish needs. Honestly, it feels AWESOME!! I haven't done me with my money in months.

Today, I want to get a charger for my camera battery so I can take some pictures of my vaycay and maybe get to the gym. First thing though is to get the hubby up so he can sleep tonight and be up for work tomorrow morning. I don't want his internal clock to get all messed up because of one overnight shift.

~christy~: I have found that if I have a 1L bottle with me at all times I drink more. I also make sure it's a "fancy bottle...like Fiji water or Smart Water. The bottles are more appealing than just Aquafina for Dasani etc...Once again I just cater to the vainer side of me lol. But it works, I'm working on geting 3L in a day.

désepérée de maigrir: Oui, je suis Canadienne. I'm not French but for some reason Bell set up my phone in French. My voicemail lady is French and I sometimes even get texts and e-mails in French. Are you Canadian as well? I alwasy love finding other Canadian bloggers!!

Harlow B: I know it was completely revolting!! I'll send you an e-mail so you can send me the recipes after you've tried them out. I'm really excited to see what you come up with! I've put in for time off on the race weekend so I will definitely be there to cheer you on from the side. Good luck with the training!

450/450 & 620/650

So I actually didn't eat one bit until 7 pm when I got home from work. I finished the chinese veggies (300 cals) had a healthy choice fudge bar (90) and the gum I chewed on all day (approx 50). And so far today just half a scone (100).

So while I was working today on refunds this girl walked up with her mother and just kept talking about how when you go to the fair you have to eat everything in sight. It took everything I had not to barf in front of them. She wen on and on about foot long hot dogs and foot long corn dogs and something called beef on a bun. Excuse me while I go puke my guts out thankyouverymuch.

So today ended well again. So half scone (100) 2 rice cakes (90) 9 chips (100) and dinner was 1 cabbage roll (330) it was big with meat and rice and had a tomato sauce and 1 piece of rye bread. I had a salad with no dressing for lunch. My weight stayed at 137 today. I didn't get a workout in but I did drink 2L of water.

So D is doing inventory tonight so I'm all by my lonesome. I'm in bed and can barely keep my eyes open as I finish up this tiny post.

I found out today that my dad still hasn't cancelled his old gym membership!!! So I have at least 2 months left to use the gym! Woo!!!!!

Ill update you all tomorrow on my progress :)
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600/500

I did amazingly well yesterday. I didn't go to work because of the GINORMOUS sink-hole at the end of my street from the previous night's flood. So no temptation from nosy coworkers and vending machines. I even trekked through backyards of 3 ft of snow and a 10 min walk to go do some cardio at the gym near-by (even paid the $15 guest fee) because I was going stir crazy at home. I did about an hour and a half on the recumbent bike and treadmill (approx 500 cals burned). So why is my ticker over my daily limit for the SGD? Chinese take-out. Yes, you read that right. The hole was filled by about 7pm and D and I had finished the last of our food (me veggies him junk). I don't know how many cals it was. We had sweet and sour pork (breaded and fried) beef with flat noodles in black bean sauce and mixed veggies in that bland sauce it always comes in. I'm just going to assume it was a huge amount and I've put myself at 600 because my day wasn't more than 300 with exercise is -200. That means dinner was 800. Blech.

Today is water, tea, coffee and G2 while I'm at work. I took 7 green tea pills this morning and I'm having a black venti Americano from starbucks as I type. After work I'm doing groceries and only buying veggies.

I also wanted to apologize to you all. I was looking over my old posts (I was deleting pictures) and starting back in the summer my posts were WAY more interesting. I feel that along with my life my blog has gotten boring. I feel that my blog is inadequate compared to all of yours. Your blogs are poetic, eloquent, graceful, strong, opinionated and/or informative. You weave stories and I feel as though I am immersed into your lives every time I read your blogs. I apologize for being flat, boring and repetitive. I love you all so much for staying and giving me that 5 mins out of your lives to read my ramblings.

I heart you all so much.
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380/400

Hey.

So today was very successful. I brought soup with me for lunch and a yogurt for snack (180 cals) and then for breakfast I had 2 pieces of hollywood bread (80) and 1 tbs of low sugar raspberry jam (20 cals) and then my manager bought mini-eggs for the counter today since it was uber slow and i managed to only have 100 cals worth (about 8 eggs). Dinner tonight is a massive amount of spinach, cucumber and tomatoes. I've had 3L of water and I'm on my 4th cup of tea. I think this day has been really great.

I managed to get my 30 mins of a workout in doing ab work so day 1 is a success!!

So as you saw below, my street flooded today when I got home from work. A water main broke and the storm drains couldn't keep up. So as of right now, we have no running water and only a pot of what I could save from the taps before it was all gone. So this will be an interesting night lol! The water has started to receed though. We'll see what the city will do now. I hope they come to fix the problem ASAP rather than later this week :S

Edit: any of my canadian readers watch the ottawa news tonight at 11:30 I just had CTV at my door (I wont be on TV) they helped D push the car into the driveway. They're covering the flood tonight!!!

Hubby is ordering pizza for himself so I'm scarfing down all this salad (sans dressing) to try to stuff myself as best as I can so I don't cave one bit. I only have 20 cals left for the night and I'm not wasting it on pizza!!

annyways off to read your blogs!!

Watch the news if you're in Canada!! lol

Omfg!

My street when I came home from work.
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40 followers?? Wow! Welcome new followers!!

So my period is hours away from being over and as of this morning I'm 136. So I'm finally back down to my wedding weight. The diet was successful, however, all that fish day in day out just turned my stomach in knots. So I've modified it to fit more to the SGD. I really liked all the veggies I had to eat and figured that having fruits and veggies be unlimited will still keep me on track while using the rest of my allowance for protein and good carbs and fibre.

I'm starting 2days in (starting tomorrow) in full force. Yesterday I finished with 750 cals and today and after dinner tonight it will be 800. I will post every day (i miss you guys) with the allowance as my title for each day.

I've been searching for deals on vacations all weekend and I can't find anything for last minute for less than 900 after taxes. It would be cheaper to go to NYC for 5 days over Valentine's day (minus food and shopping)  than to get to the carribean. I'm going to keep hunting for a good price so wish me luck lovelies!!