Monday, April 18, 2011

Well RaeLynn, you seem to have impeccable timing. lol. I logged on to post and I got your comment :)

Ok, so I firstly want to apologize about being so M.I.A lately. It's been really hard to do decent posts with D around all the time. I never seem to have alone time anymore. He's been getting more and more conscious about my weight "obsession" as he calls it ( is an obsession).

Also, my confidence is absolutely shot. I couldn't understand where it came from but I know when it started. It was soon after I was sitting steady at 135. At that point I felt a huge sense of accomplishment that I was managing to stay at one weight rather than moving up and down the same 3lbs. Then, money got tight...D and I have been less "intimate" than normal. The warmer weather is starting to come in so the clothing is getting clingier and lighter. It's just been a huge hodgepodge of little things that have been making me feel more and more like shit. To top it all off, my diet (as in what I'm consuming not planned diet) is absolute shit. I'm eating WAY too many carbs and sweets and not enough veggies. The binge monster is back again late at night. If I manage to eat well at lunch and at work I will throw it all away at night. If I work late I usually eat horribly in the morning.

I don't know why I'm sabotaging myself. I know this is all completely my fault. I have just become extremely apathetic. I don't have the drive to do much of anything anymore. I have all the tools to keep a workout going: P90X videos, Kinect, workouts apps on my iPod, yoga classes (granted they're downtown and parking is a bitch so that makes it a little harder right now) but I just don't do ANYTHING. I come home from work and plop my ass down on the couch or chair and lump and eat.

So all in all, I have just not felt in any way adequate to be a part of this wonderful community. I just didn't want to disappoint you all. I feel like I've let everyone down, especially myself.

So, as of this morning I weighed in at 137.4.

Yesterday I had eggs for breakfast and snacked most of the day. I then went to my grandparents and had roast pork (disgusting), potatoes, salad and for dessert chocolate marble cake (290 for a 1 inch piece). This morning, I had a piece of the cake that got sent home with me by my grandmother (she wouldn't accept no for an answer) and then cleaned the bedroom and bathroom like a mad woman. I reorganized the closet and dresser so I probably burned off 100 cals of that cake. I spent the rest of the morning drinking water and watching stuff on the computer. Not bad right? Well then D went out and got wings and sauced fries. So I ate...I probably cleared over 1000 on that one. I took a short walk to the mailbox (yay all of 5 mins) and then preceded to spend the rest of the day on the couch. Quelle surprise.... The wings WERE consumed at 2 and I haven't had anything since (it's now 11pm) other than water. So maybe I wont be too disgusted with myself since I've probably flushed out most of the sodium out of my system so I wont be retaining water over night.

Tomorrow is back to work but I only have a 4 day week :) I work Tues, Wed, Thurs, off Fri. Then I work Saturday. That will be killer of days. I'm closing the counter with probably the most incompetent people that night. I am probably the only one that is reliable enough to get everything done. So much so I'm working until 7:30pm...I'm usually out of there before 6 (close) so it will be an extremely long day. You see, Costco closes Good Friday and Easter Sunday so Saturday is absolutely ape shit. Every one goes crazy that Costco is closed 2 days in a week. So everyone, their mom AND their dog will be there...angry that it's busy and blame it on us...ultimately coming and chewing my department's asses off since we're "member service"...oh least I'll be running around a lot.

I attempted a fast last week, but I got sabotaged when a coworker bought me a hot dog when she saw I hadn't eaten anything all day...So that was a bust.

The hydroxycut is not doing as well as it did the last time I used it. I'm finding I'm having to take 4 at a time now to feel any effects whatsoever. Oh well. MLM, GNC doesn't sell Oxyelite pro anymore and doesn't sell it either. I'm still searching other places that might sell it. Hopefully I can find it. Does anyone have any other suggestions for diet pills or supplements?

Anyways, I think I've bored you all enough with my blubbering. I promise I'll be a better blogger and I will try to be around more. I've still been reading everyone's blogs but on my phone so I haven't been able to comment. I WILL post again soon.

And on a positive note some thinspo for all of you from my favourite time waster site.


  1. Sorry the diet isn't going so well. Sometimes it's hard to care. Sometimes I pretty much say screw it too. I think if you could at least get yourself exercising you wouldn't feel so badly about yourself even if the number isn't what you want. Your job does sound like a pain in the butt. I can't stand having to deal with people because they pretty much suck.

  2. I second everything fed up said!

    I dunno if this makes a difference but hydroxcut in canada is different than the one sold in the states, because certain ingredients are banned here. Not sure if that would be the reason you notice it's not working?

    i cannot imagine having to deal with Cosco shoppers. You must be the most patient person in THE WORLD. seriously.

    ~ H

  3. You don't bore me, I like your blubbering! :) And you haven't let any of us down. We all go through hard times, lose motivation, etc. You gotta make mistakes to make it perfect! sorry that work sucks :/ hopefully it'll get better after that crazy Saturday! never lose faith, <3RaeLynn. glad you're back! <3