Hello lovelies.

So I've started noticing a pattern. The day before my period, I have a significant drop in weight (ie. 2-3 lbs). Then the next day, I spike up an unreasonable amount (5-7 lbs). It's actually quite scary at what my body does during my period...at least it's only a pattern and I slowly come back down to normal over the course of it.

I was unpacking some boxes the other night and I came across a printout of all the mantras and "tips and tricks" I had found around the internet. I had this copy at work with me so I could go back to it to give me that little extra confidence when I was really stressed or on the verge of eating something that could put me on the edge of a binge. I also found my crazy laxatives that did a number on me the first time I tried them. It was like a treasure chest of me from a year ago. I've now put the printout in my work bag so I can read it on my break. I've also started bringing my iPod with me so I can shut everyone out while I relax.

News on the job front: That guy I hadn't talked to in about a year? Well he messaged me back and he said he would talk to his connection for me and pass along my resume. He also said that he would keep his ear to the ground for me as well. So it went quite well. I'm relieved and not nervous. *Phew!*

This week has been pretty good. I cut back on all sweets this week and had salads ands sandwiches at lunch that were no more than 150 cals and then dinner I kept around 400 (a lot I know but hubby is cooking for me). I have been maxing out at around 900 every day this week at tops. I had a couple of 500 days but mostly closer to 900. Yesterday was the only day it went over. I went to videogames live with D last night and the stadium is right around the corner from where we used to live downtown and our favourite pizzeria. So we grabed one to go but I did keep it to one slice so I'm going  to guestimate that to be around 450, mind you I didn't have a big lunch and I had some baby carrots and dip in the car before the concert. I would say I topped at 1050 yesterday. The only bad part was that I ate the pizza slice at 11pm and then went to bed at midnight. So I didn't have enough time to both digest and burn the calories so it all went to fat.

Tomorrow I'm getting together with T and we're probably going to go to a yoga class and then walk around the market. I'm also on the road to another pair of jeans being too big. It's great but also not so great since I can't afford a new pair right now. That could changed if I can get somewhere with this possible job lead :)

Anyways, I'm off to relax and veg out for a little while and decompress from work today.

sorry lovelies.

there seems to be something wrong with the link. When i click on it in my e-mail it sends me directly there.

The ID# is 577

Vote for me!! (Well my bag)

Hello lovelies!!

I've entered a contest with Bergdorf Goodman called Fendi Frenzy. I have "designed" my own version of their Fendi 2bag. If all of you lovelies could go and vote for my bag (here) it will bring me closer to a chance at winning the competition.

What they do is that on Friday, they will take the 5 bags with the highest number of votes and Bergdorf Goodman will select a "design" to actually run as a limited edition and they will send the winner their bag as a prize. So basically I get a chance to win my very own bag!

I would really appreciate if you go vote for me and pass this along to your own readers if you don't mind.

Note: if you don't want e-mails from bergdorf goodman (such pretty things) make sure to uncheck the box in the voting window.

Thanks everyone!!

oh and one more thing

i found a really awesome advertising company online while job hunting the othernight. They're called fuel industries. Now I checked my LinkedIn for the company and found that one of my connections knows someone at the company. Now I know I probably have an in to an interview but I haven't talked to my connection for almost a year. how do I initiate contact while asking for a favour from someone i haven't talked to in a long time?

any suggestions??

random thing and update

I got this from A's blog...and I'm bored;


strike out what you've done.

1. had sex
2. bought condoms
3. gotten pregnant
4. failed a class
5. kissed a boy
6. kissed a girl
7. used a little paper bag for lunch
8. had a job
9. slipped on ice
10. missed the school bus
11. left the house without my wallet/purse
12. bullied someone on the internet
13. sexted
14. had sex in public
15. played on a sports team
16. smoked weed
17. smoked cigarettes
18. smoked a cigar
19. drank alcohol
20. watched “The Breakfast Club”
21. been overweight
22 been underweight
23. had an eating disorder
24. been to a wedding
25. made fun of someone for being fat
26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight
27. watched tv for 5 hours straight
28. been late for work
29. been late for school
30. kissed someone in the rain
31. showered with someone else
32. failed my drivers test
33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes
34. been outside my home country
35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours
36. gotten my heart broken
37. had a credit card
38. been to a professional sports game
49. broken a bone
40. been unhappy about my weight
41. won a trophy
42. cut myself
43. had an STD
44. got engaged
45. been on a diet
46. tried out to be on a tv show
47. rode in a taxi
48. been to prom
49. played in a drinking game
50. stayed up for 24 hours or more
51. been to a concert
52. had a three-some
53. had a crush on someone of the same sex
54. been in a car accident
55. had braces
56. learned another language
57. killed an animal/bug
58. been at a yard sale
59. been to a japanese steakhouse
60. wore make up
61. talked to someone via webcam
62. lost my virginity before I was 16
63. had my wisdom teeth taken out
64. kissed someone a different race than myself
65. snuck out of the house
66. bought porn
67. had a virus on my computer
68. had oral sex
69. dyed my hair
70. gone skinny dipping
71. graduated from college
72. wore someone else’s clothes
73. voted in a presidential election   - Canadian Election
74. rode in an ambulance
75. rode in a helicopter
76. caught the stove on fire
77. got in a verbal fight
78. been on vacation
79. been on an airplane
80. been on a boat
81. had surgery.
82. kissed someone before I was 14.
83. beat a video game
84. found something valuable on the ground
85. made a survey
86. stalked someone on facebook/myspace
87. prank called someone
88. been to a library outside of school
89. spent over $100 shopping in one day
90. cut my hair and hated it
91. peed outside
92. went fishing
93. helped with charity
94. taken a pregnancy test.
95. been rejected by a crush
96. been suspended from school
97. broken a mirror
98. faked sick from school
99. owned a pet
100. been to six flags

Well lovelies, I'm back to my spring starting point of 135!! I guess the restriction is helping more than I thought it would!! Woo! I've got a bit of my confidence back and I'm prepared at what tomorrow is going to throw at me :)

So work today was absolutely INSANE!! I have to say I was glad that I wasn't on the Front End today. And boy were peope MOODY today. They get pissed that it's so busy but they know well enough that this is one of the busiest day sof the year...

Anyways, I thought I'd let you lovelies know about the great news. I'm trying to figure out a new plan for the next month. Oh! I'm going to be palying soccer baseball this summer. It's once a week for an hour so there is one bit of activity a week that I'll be doing no matter what!

I'm back ladies!!!

Good morning ladies!!

So slowly but surely I'm getting my eating back on track. I counted my cals for tuesday (without modifying anything) to see where I was sitting at a day's intake. It wasn't great (almost 2000). So I've pulled out my LoseIt app once again and counting everything that's going into me. I have managed to cut it down to 1000. I'm slowly getting there. I've tossed out all junk, minus an angel food cake my mom brought over the other night for dessert (120cals/slice) since my period is coming up soon and I will need something to curb my cravings.

Yesterday I had 3 strawberries (15), 6 baby carrots (21), 4 graham crackers (120) and then for dinner baked chicken (142) with some quinoa with veggies (96), then my day's snacks: 1 serving of angel food cake (120), 2 macaroons (160) and 3 reese peanut butter cups (232). One of my co-workers brought in a smorgasborg (sp??) of cookies and candy for the department...when you're stuck behind a counter dealing with really annoying angry people on a busy day and you're prone to stress eating...yup that's me. Mind you I didn't do so bad, I had a tiny bit of restraint. If I hadn't had the macaroons and peanut butter cups I would have been almost 400 cals lower for my day putting me at 516 cals rather than 903 cals. I have even gotten D on this diet revamp with me...I'm refusing to buy him pop firstly because it's an expense we can do without, secondly he's been drinking 4-5 cans a day because he's at home and he can, and secondly I WONT DRINK ANY IF IT'S NOT THERE!!! I bought more peppermint tea so I can drink something else than water.

I've been sick for the past 3 days. Wednesday I woke up early to do a 30 min workout to get back into a habit but as soon as I started moving my body revolted and shut down on me...let's just say I spent some decent time in the bathroom before work that morning. I went home sick Wednesday night to try to sleep it off so I could go in yesteday. You see, since today (Good Friday) is a Statutory Holiday (at least in Ottawa/Ontario) I have to work my scheduled shifts before and after the holiday to get paid for today other wise I need a doctor's note. I was not a pretty sight yesterday when my cold/virus/what ever it was peaked. Not only was I sick as a dog yesterday, but they had me in the lobby of the store at a table (all doors wide open) in 5 degree Celcius weather selling credit cards. I changed it up by helping the counter but that led to the candy eating.

Anyways, today I get to spend at home getting better while cleaning like a mad-woman. Tomorrow, I have to show my house to my grandparents and aunt and uncle who are coming up for Easter. I hope to get a workout in today as well as eating minimal. Today, I can get away eating only veggies since Catholics can't eat meat on Good Friday (even though I'm not religious I really like having this to fall back on as an excuse). Food-wise, I plan on eating a max of 600 cals and burning at least 250.

I'm off for now to enjoy my tea and get my day started.

Well RaeLynn, you seem to have impeccable timing. lol. I logged on to post and I got your comment :)

Ok, so I firstly want to apologize about being so M.I.A lately. It's been really hard to do decent posts with D around all the time. I never seem to have alone time anymore. He's been getting more and more conscious about my weight "obsession" as he calls it (well...it is an obsession).

Also, my confidence is absolutely shot. I couldn't understand where it came from but I know when it started. It was soon after I was sitting steady at 135. At that point I felt a huge sense of accomplishment that I was managing to stay at one weight rather than moving up and down the same 3lbs. Then, money got tight...D and I have been less "intimate" than normal. The warmer weather is starting to come in so the clothing is getting clingier and lighter. It's just been a huge hodgepodge of little things that have been making me feel more and more like shit. To top it all off, my diet (as in what I'm consuming not planned diet) is absolute shit. I'm eating WAY too many carbs and sweets and not enough veggies. The binge monster is back again late at night. If I manage to eat well at lunch and at work I will throw it all away at night. If I work late I usually eat horribly in the morning.

I don't know why I'm sabotaging myself. I know this is all completely my fault. I have just become extremely apathetic. I don't have the drive to do much of anything anymore. I have all the tools to keep a workout going: P90X videos, Kinect, workouts apps on my iPod, yoga classes (granted they're downtown and parking is a bitch so that makes it a little harder right now) but I just don't do ANYTHING. I come home from work and plop my ass down on the couch or chair and lump and eat.

So all in all, I have just not felt in any way adequate to be a part of this wonderful community. I just didn't want to disappoint you all. I feel like I've let everyone down, especially myself.

So, as of this morning I weighed in at 137.4.

Yesterday I had eggs for breakfast and snacked most of the day. I then went to my grandparents and had roast pork (disgusting), potatoes, salad and for dessert chocolate marble cake (290 for a 1 inch piece). This morning, I had a piece of the cake that got sent home with me by my grandmother (she wouldn't accept no for an answer) and then cleaned the bedroom and bathroom like a mad woman. I reorganized the closet and dresser so I probably burned off 100 cals of that cake. I spent the rest of the morning drinking water and watching stuff on the computer. Not bad right? Well then D went out and got wings and sauced fries. So I ate...I probably cleared over 1000 on that one. I took a short walk to the mailbox (yay all of 5 mins) and then preceded to spend the rest of the day on the couch. Quelle surprise.... The wings WERE consumed at 2 and I haven't had anything since (it's now 11pm) other than water. So maybe I wont be too disgusted with myself since I've probably flushed out most of the sodium out of my system so I wont be retaining water over night.

Tomorrow is back to work but I only have a 4 day week :) I work Tues, Wed, Thurs, off Fri. Then I work Saturday. That will be killer of days. I'm closing the counter with probably the most incompetent people that night. I am probably the only one that is reliable enough to get everything done. So much so I'm working until 7:30pm...I'm usually out of there before 6 (close) so it will be an extremely long day. You see, Costco closes Good Friday and Easter Sunday so Saturday is absolutely ape shit. Every one goes crazy that Costco is closed 2 days in a week. So everyone, their mom AND their dog will be there...angry that it's busy and blame it on us...ultimately coming and chewing my department's asses off since we're "member service"...oh joy...at least I'll be running around a lot.

I attempted a fast last week, but I got sabotaged when a coworker bought me a hot dog when she saw I hadn't eaten anything all day...So that was a bust.

The hydroxycut is not doing as well as it did the last time I used it. I'm finding I'm having to take 4 at a time now to feel any effects whatsoever. Oh well. MLM, GNC doesn't sell Oxyelite pro anymore and Amazon.ca doesn't sell it either. I'm still searching other places that might sell it. Hopefully I can find it. Does anyone have any other suggestions for diet pills or supplements?

Anyways, I think I've bored you all enough with my blubbering. I promise I'll be a better blogger and I will try to be around more. I've still been reading everyone's blogs but on my phone so I haven't been able to comment. I WILL post again soon.

And on a positive note some thinspo for all of you from my favourite time waster site.

Hello lovelies.

So I got my new bottle of Hydroxycut Max Advance. MLM, I asked if they carried the Oxyelite Pro but GNC here in Canada doesn't seem to carry it  anymore. I'll have to check around at other stores but for now the Hydroxycut will have to work. What does the Oxyelite pro do?? Is it just a thermogenic or does it something more??

Tomorrow I'm going to brunch with my family and then we will be spending the day downtown walking around the market. I plan on ordering the croissant and fresh fruit (450 cals). Maybe I'll see if I can switch out the Croissant for just some plain toast...I didn't realize it was that much :s. Walking around tomorrow will be really nice, it's starting to get warm and tomorrow is supposed to be sunny and gorgeous.

I have to say I'm quite excited about getting back on my hydroxycut and waterex pills again. I can't wait to feel the jitters and get those energy surges again. I actually miss them.

Anyways tomorrow will be a new day and and beautiful one at that as well.

Today's intake was just a Mango Hurricaine from Booster Juice (290cal for 24oz) and a tall non-fat late (150 cals)

Hello lovelies.

Thanks ladies for your comments. I've decided that I'm going to try to put a whatever little money away that I can each pay to slowly start saving up for this program. It's quite pricey. I'm still having trouble finding the motivation to do a really substantial workout at home. Doing one on my TV is not encouraging because I don't want my neighbours to see. My living area is right across from my front door and everyone can see in (still trying to find something to cover that window) and we only have sheers on the back windows. Other than that I don't have much space to work out in other than the basement. But I seem to get lost when I don't have much of a guide from a DVD or equipent. So this is an ongoing battle which I definitely need to improve and win.

I'm really hoping that D hears back soon. I will be so happy once things become stable again.

In the meantime of all of this, I'm going to be starting up on the Hydroxycut Max again. I had some success while I was on it back in February, and I've given my body about a month of time off of it. It will definitely help me with my energy at work. It will be a great little boost.

Anyways, off to work on my resume some more and apply to more jobs.

They say slow and steady wins the race...right??

Well I'm sitting/averaging at 135/136 now. Relatively stable for the last few days since my last post.

I did groceries yesterday and all I bought was fruits and veggies and low cal foods (my Hollywood bread and a small box of graham crackers). I've replenished my baby carrots (pretty much the only thing I eat at work) and I'm eating more salads.

So I have a new "event" to work towards. The sencond week of August I'll be going down to Stone Harbour, New Jersey for a week on the beach. So, I have 5 months to get down below 120. I will use these 5 months to just get to my UGW. I have more than enough time to do it but I need to be down that low by July at the latest (4 months) because I have to buy bathingsuits *shudder* and shorts *cringe* and summer dresses. 15lbs in 4 months is completely doable. You see all these "success stories" of people losing 20+ lbs in weeks and only going from average to awesome.

I think that what will be needed to fully acheive this will be in part not only D getting a job but finding a new job myself as well so I can 1) afford a gym membership and 2) start back up with a personal trainer again. Or, enrolling into the Tony Greco gym here in Ottawa (website). Here's the description of the 10 week program I would start with:


Lean + Fit is conducted of circuit training classes, resistance training, body fat composition analysis tests, a nutritional seminar along with a student workbook to track your progression along your journey.

When you first enroll in the Lean + Fit journey you will attend a comprehensive nutrition seminar to educate yourself on the most advanced scientific methods for healthy weight loss. Greco will teach you what to eat, when to eat and how to combine your food groups to give you the most energy for fat burning without losing valuable muscle, because when it comes down to it nutrition is the most important knowledge you can hold when it comes to weigh loss.


The Greco Lean + Fit classes are extremely motivating with plenty of coaching and encouragement from the instructors. You will never partake in the same Lean + Fit class twice! With different circuits each time you will keep your body guessing which allows for speedy weight loss to take place along with muscle growth. This 10-week program allows us to track your body fat composition analysis. We keep stats on your body measurements, weight, and body fat allowing us to show you your progression. When you become a Greco member our team, our clients and your journey will inspire you to go beyond your wildest dreams!

However, to do this, D and I will have to be back well on our feet.

Things are starting to get pretty tight for us these days. We've pulled all of our money out of our RRSPs (Registered Retirement Savings Plan) and D is looking into seeing if he can pull out his RPP (Registered Pension Plan). With our RRSP money, we can probably last until the end of the month but D needs to find a job by/before then. We've finally put out some resumes and we are just waiting to hear back from somewhere. It's been pretty stressful. I haven't been sleeping well. I've been getting sick, and I'm really losing motivation at work and I know it's impacting my performance.

I think this month will be a turn around for us. D is getting back to normal, he's no longer in his funk, and things just seem to be going well overall other than the no job issue.

Anyways, keep your fingers crossed that D will hear back soon from somewhere!!