I'm back. I've dug my way out of this funk somewhat. I'm still down about the whole inadequacy thing but I know that I wont be feeling much better about it until I find myself a new job. The last week and a bit was bad. I just found myself crying suddenly for no reason at all. Well I knew what I was crying about but it would just come on suddenly and I would have to go hide somewhere so no one would see me. This was especially hard at work. There's no one there that I could tell any of this to because the entire store would know in seconds flat and it's usually not good form to tell people you work with and your bosses that you hate your job and are doing everything possible in your power to get the hell out and away from the place. So, I found myself in the bathroom a lot hiding out in a back stall.
I've had a couple of mini-binges because of the emotional ups and downs but I've managed to steady myself again. I'm back on my days off so today's plan is clean the house, go to the gym and only consume coffee water and veggies. Those should be tasks that will take up all of my time. I did laundry yesterday while I was at my parents' for my grandmother's birthday so I have a good 2 hours or so of folding, ironing and mending to do. For the first time yesterday, our "family meal" was something extremely safe. My mom made this Asian salad (lettuce, cucumber, carrots, bean sprouts, mint and basil with a home made asian dressing) and had grilled salmon (in foil pouches so more steamed really) and flank steak. I stuck to the salad with 2 oz of salmon and one strip of steak. However my mom made these huge parfaits that made up all the calories from a roast and potatoes. It had lime curd and a cream cheese cream with lots of berries. My mom insisted on making a double recipe because she thought the recipe didn't make enough for 8. Well the cup sizes were not meant to be massive goblets. I would have been happy with a tiny dessert but oh well, I didn't eat all of mine.
Canada Day I spent downtown. Will & Kate were in the city for a "visit" or whatever you want to call it. I managed to see Will make his address on the hill and then spent my day searching for shade and somewhere out of the sun for a drink or two. I got VERY burnt and had a touch of heat sickness. I've got a bit of a tan on my shoulders, face and arms now. My legs are still as pasty as ever. Canada Day was fun but the crowds were too crazy this year because of Will & Kate.
To help me get experience to find a job, I'm trying to get an internship/volunteering position for Ottawa's Fashion Week in the fall. My sister knows someone who's very involved in the shows. She works at a tanning salon downtown and he's one of her clients. So next weekend, I'll be meeting up with him for an interview of sorts. Basically he wants to know who he's "recommending." Hopefully this points me in the right direction. :)
Well, that's really all that's been going on with me of late. I'm not really involved in much else at the moment. But I'm still reading your blogs and I'm still around so if I'm not posting regularily it's because I don't have much to talk about other than the same stuff day in and out. I don't want to sound like a broken record TOO much ;)