Thursday, November 1, 2012

Oh God.

I haven't felt like this for a long time. I'm panicky, anxious, irritable and I feel like I could cry if someone looks at me wrong.

I feel overloaded, burdened and lost. I can't focus on any one thing at a time and the last thing I want to do is anything. I just want to lay on my couch, in my PJs with my cat. Not necessarily watching TV or doing anything just being in that scenario is the only thing that's appealing.

Work is just starting to kill me. I have so many little tiny tasks to do for last week that are all urgent and require my immediate attention by each person who has given me the assignment. I'm just trying to stay afloat and make it to the end of the week. I know that I'll be working over the next few weekends. There's no doubt about it. I won't go into every minute thing I have to do. I don't want to bore you all with these trivial things. I just need to get these emotions out because I don't know where else to get them out.

I don't have an outlet. I want to get back to the gym but my schedule just isn't permitting me to. I know what you're all thinking. I'm just making excuses and that I will have the time if I make the time. Blah blah blah. I'm just so worn at the end of the day that adding to my schedule just seems like I would break. I found out yesterday that covering for the secretary Tues-Thurs is actually a permanent thing this year. When I was asked to do this because her babysitter quit on her 2 weeks before school started, I took this on thinking it would be something that would need to be done until she found a new one. I guess she couldn't find a new sitter or daycare that wasn't full for the year already. But I'm not sure if she was even looking after the school year started. So I don't get home from work until 6, three days a week. If I went to the gym, I wouldn't be home until 8:30 at the earliest, and D is always passed out by then. So I don't see my hubby. You know it all. Update: the secretary leaves in the middle of the afternoon to pick her son up from school.

T's baby shower is this Saturday and I haven't done a thing for it yet. I know I'm baking French macarons.

That's it.

No games planned. No other food or bits and bites.                                  Nothing.

I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed and helpless.

I'm going to get back to work. Time to put the fake smile back on.


  1. She can't come to work because she has no babysitter? That sounds crazy. Can you just say that you thought it was temporary? Is anyone else available to split covering? Adding the gym after a long day is super hard. If your head isn't in it at all your work out would be crappy anyways. I hope it gets better.

  2. Try not to freak out - is there anyone you can ask for help for this shower you're planning?

    Now that it's getting dark earlier, this may not be an option, but do you ever run? On the days you get home early, maybe you can run right from the office, even if its just 20 minutes, it will help clear your head and your body will thank you.

    You look amazing in that dress from your last post, by the way!

    Chin up, you're strong and can get through this.

  3. Oh I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you are better by now. Give me a poke on FB if you need to vent hon