So things still feel empty and lonely, but D's assistant has returned to work so he should be working less now than he has been for the last 2 months. But the habits have formed and he's still passing out early in the evening and not making it up to bed. I have told him how much I have missed him and just feel that I'm not really a priority for him.
I want to thank Miranda for her comment on my last post. I'm not sure if you saw my reply, but I needed that tough love. It really opened my eyes to snap out of it and to really work at pulling myself out of that destructive spiral. Please e-mail me Miranda so we can have a chat over budgeting. firstname.lastname@example.org
One of the "pen pals" I have has recently relapsed from almost a year of recovery. She texted me last night saying that she couldn't hold on anymore an that things were just falling apart and that she had slipped back because it was the only thing constant and guaranteed in her life. I feel so bad for her because she was able to spend a year living a normal life, back at school found an amazing boyfriend and took up running that introduced her to a whole new social circle. I have been so proud of her and it's hard for me to see her slip back into this mess. I've told her that I will support her and comfort her during all this but if things get scary, I have to voice my opinion. I'm hoping it's just the stress of her exams and her hesitation of finishing her law degree. I just hope she will be ok.
This week I'm taking things really slowly. I'm trying to keep my school day intake to under 300 cals and then dinner under 500 for a max intake of 800. I've been doing little workouts in my office when I need a good stretch so I'm not sedentary all day long. I don't burn much but it's something and it's getting me back in the habit of being active. My goal is to start going to the gym again by mid November. My work schedule and my driving schedule with D is starting to even out again so I will be able to really build a schedule. I just have to talk to D about our meals and that he will have to cook while I'm at the gym.
I'm currently freaking out over J's choice for a bridesmaid dress. It's gorgeous. It's a black dress with a lace overlay from Banana Republic's Monogram Collection. She decided on Wednesday that it was the dress she wanted and because it's in the stores now for the holidays it's going fast. So, T (who is 7 months pregnant) and I thought it was a little too sudden on cost and early for fittings and such sucked it up (because it was what the bride wanted) and went to go try it on/buy it but found out that it's only available in the stand-alone stores, not the ones in the malls. In other words, nowhere in Ottawa. We would have to go to Toronto or Montreal. So the girls in MTL are buying them today and are going to see if they can order dresses for T and I for when we're down at the end of November for K's engagement party. T will be 2 weeks from her due date (still unable to try things on properly) and will have to guess at a size and who knows if the dress will still be in stock in a month. Since the other girls are buying the dress today, J has said that worst case scenario, T and I can wear just plain black satin dresses. What a way to make us feel like we suck and can't do anything. Then it runs into a problems how this black satin dress is going to look with the other dress and what cut, and style J will want. It's getting way too complicated too early and it's really stressing me out. The funny thing is, is that since T and I said that we can't buy the dress here in Ottawa, J hasn't responded to any of the texts that have been circulating.
Well here's to saving up $220 for a dress in the next couple of weeks and being stuck at weighing whatever I am at at that time. Oh well.
Anyways, off to work I go. I'm taking new photos of the school to update our marketing materials. Oh speaking of the school, could you all follow this link and watch the video on Dr. Agatha Sidlauskas and vote for her by the end of the day?? She's in the running for the People's Choice award from the Amazing Person of 2012. We need all the votes we can get. You can't vote multiple times with one e-mail but use any e-mail you can and please pass it on!