So I'm diving back in.

Gym every day, no more than 500 calories (I've brought my calorie counter back out) and at least one fast day a week.

I went to the gym for the first time today in almost 2 weeks! I felt like a cow going in a seeing all the skinny girls working out. I did 1 hour on the bike with an average RPM of 93 (320 cals) and then the stair stepper for 10 mins (105 cals) so right now I'm sitting at a negative of 425 cals. I did have a piece of toast with 2 slices of tomato. My parents made me eat something. But with my new goals I'm sitting at a negative 925 cals for the day. Now that doesn't mean I'm going to eat all those but I can put on a face and not have to hide today.

I have decided that I will lose 17 lbs by the 10th of July. It's totally doable but I HAVE to stay vigilant! No more going to work outings at lunch. If I bring a lunch then it will be a 100 calorie pack of frozen vegetables (green giant steemers). That's how I lost the first bit of weight (I started at 156 at the beginning of my journey) I lost 10 lbs in 4 weeks. I need to get back to this. When I was focused it was the best feeling I ever had. I felt in control and that NOTHING could get in my way. I was awesome at everything. I need to get that feeling back.

I think I might go for a walk...

You have to love relationships...sometimes they can be so infuriating.

My fiance is a workaholic. When he's at work, I can't get a word out of him when I try to text him a simple question. So when we're done work at the same time and I ask him what we're doing tonight. He tells me...go to S's have some beers and a BBQ. Which would be fine if last night he didn't dump me off on S while I was waiting to pick him up. He calls me and says, I'm going to be later so go with S and I'll meet you there. It was the first time I heard that he had made any sort of plans all day and it was 8 pm. So since I really had no choice I went. Today, he tells me that's what's happening; but he's leaving tomorrow after work to go to my cousin's bachelor party! So I though we would spend the night together (go on a date...see a movie...go for drinks or something). So I leave (we have our own cars today) to go home and he says shortly after I leave that he'll be home soon and asks me what I want to do. I tell him I didn't quite know but I didn't want to go to S's. So I get home, I shower, I change and I get all dolled up for a night out with my man. 6:00 goes by, I txt him, he says he's just leaving work. 7:00 goes by, I txt him again worried, he's at S's because S got off at the same time. I lost it. Anyways, he understood what he did wrong and I used the anger to fuel an AWESOME cardio workout at the gym. 

I'm still a little pissed but not much I can do about it.

Tomorrow the plan is to see my trainer at 9:30 (2 workout is just over 12 hours apart...LOVE it!). Then I'm going to get flowers for my mom and grandmother for mother's day and then meet up with a friend to do some shopping. I think I might go to GNC and get a thermogenic pill rather than the drugstore diet pills. I'm ready to kick this up a notch. 

I'm hoping that after this workout I'll have dropped some water weight and lost a bit more. No food before my workout, a protein shake with some rice milk afterwards and then that's it for the rest of the day! No one to care if I eat or not tomorrow! I'll have coffee and that's about it other than pills and my vitamin regimen as listed in one of my last posts. 

My eczema is starting to clear up and I'm going to try that spring water stuff I got today. 

Oh, so sometimes I wear spanx under my clothing that's a little too small for me. They help with holding stuff in and making me eat less because it's uncomfortable since they're so tight. ANYWAYS...I put on my Marciano skinny jeans (my gauge on my progress) and I had absolutely no muffin top! Mind you, that's with spanx on. If I didn't have them on, I probably would be overflowing and maybe not even able to button them up. But last week I was definitely muffin topping over them. So I'm calling this progress!

I really want to lose at least 5 lbs by next weekend. I think if I can get down below 140 I'll have passed this plateau and a proper fast will be COMPLETELY obtainable!

not my day

So an update on last night: my sister made pancakes and I had one for dinner (no syrup or butter or any other toppings). I tried to find the smallest one on the plate and I paired it with 3 baby carrot sticks. For the rest of the night I only had water. I was super satiated and didn’t crave anything for the rest of the night, even when my fiancé made perogies at 10 pm (who eats that late??).

I don’t think that I could get through a day without my vitamins and supplements. I have built up a daily regimen that consists of:

1 multi vitamin
3 flax seed oil capsules
1 vitamin E (for my nails, hair and skin)
3 doses of diet pills (one for each “meal”)


This keeps me going all day, with minimal cravings and the strength to not binge.


Not only do the vitamins keep my nutrients in check but they help with my overall health too. I rarely get sick because I always have all the right vitamins to keep my immune system running.


I have a problem with food. My family background is centred around food. Being from an Eastern European family, if you don’t eat something someone cooks for you, it’s a HUGE insult. I try my best to eat alone to avoid situations like that.

So recently I’ve developed eczema on and around my eyes and this morning it flared up like you wouldn’t believe. It is the most irritating feeling and all I want to do is scratch scratch scratch! I haven’t been able to wear make up for weeks, and I have had to stop using moisturizing creams and now I’ve had to cut out my face wash too! I am going to have to go to the doctor’s or try to find some sort of homeopathic remedy.

Man…today is just not my day! I just got a call from my bank that my account has been compromised! This is not going well. At least all this stress is taking my mind off of eating.


I can’t wait to be skinny again. I looked at some pictures of me from a few weeks ago and my legs are like tree trunks! I’m really afraid now to wear skirts or dresses! I don’t want to show off my legs. My legs used to be one of my best assets. Well, only eating max 300 cals a day will get me there, and I’m starting back up with my trainer from 3 years ago. So I think I’ll be able to get back on track with everything