Hey!!

Quick update!!

So today is my birthday. And I'm having a girls' 90s night. We're watching 2gether the movie (YouTube it).

Anyways there is pizza cheesy 90s movies wine and DQ ice cream cake. Throw back!!

So the big news is that my sister plotted as a surprise to have my bestest oldest friend show up tonight! Yay!!

Back to movies. I'll worry about the bad food later.

New Layout

K from skinny mentioned that she was having trouble commenting. I hadn't realized that my blog was giving people trouble! Sorry!!!

I finally played around with the layout of the blog to get it back to the original templates from the Dynamic Views. Hopefully this will help with commenting. I also made it pretty again and put in a new photo at the top. I definitely like it a lot better.

I don't have time to do a proper update today. Changing my layout took too long. Lol.

I'll try to get one in over the weekend!!

Plugging along

So the shower went well this weekend. People said they liked it. I'm glad because I busted my ass getting ready for it.

Friday, I had planned to get things done at work and then correct some artwork for this fundraiser we're doing. The kids drew Christmas Cards and we're getting them printed and making a profit (for the school) of the sales. I had to crop the images and make sure they were to spec for the company who is printing them. I thought it would take me an hour or two. I got to my mom's office (she's got photoshop on her laptop) and I was there until 7:30. It took me 7, yes seven, hours to do them all. I then went back to my parents' house to bake for the shower (after picking up ingredients) and proceeded to bake. The first round of Macarons failed. The savoury tarts took forever to put together. The Pavlova didn't set properly over night and my second attempt at the Macarons only ended up yeilding me 12 sandwiches. We finished baking at 1 am and I was up at 7 to get everything ready and home to change and back out again by 9:30 so I could go buy cupcakes. Needless to say I'm still catching up on sleep from Friday night.

People did have fun though. It was a small group of us and we all enjoyed each other's company.

This week I'm in webinars for training on our new database. Yesterday's almost put me to sleep. Today, to make sure I don't fall asleep I'm going to do lunges and squats and other exercises to keep me moving. The instructor's voices are so monotonous (wow that's a lot of O's) and make it difficult to stay focused. The training is required before they activate the software so it's mandatory. However, the manuals on these trainings are available on the database itself. I want to print them out but each one is between 60-100 pages. I don't know if I can use that much paper on something that will come up in a PDF.

I'm up at 135 again. My eating has been just atrocious this last week and a bit. I have been eating poorly and not sleeping much or well. Today I plan on fasting at work and then only having fruit or a salad when I get home tonight.

Miranda: I am planning on telling my boss that I thought covering for the secretary was only temporary and if anyone else can split these days with me. Right now we have accountants in auditing our books to make sure as a NPO we are on the up and up. So she's pretty stressed right now and I'm trying to get something else out of her in the meantime.

désespérée: Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate your kind words. I would love it if I could run. I have bad knees that limit the amount I can run and pavement makes it worse. I run on a treadmill when I can get to the gym. Work is a 20 minute drive so running from work would be quite a trek. Running has always been something I admire in people, wishing I could do it myself.

Kitty: Thanks! I'll take you up on that offer next time I feel like I was. It's great to know there's someone out there willing to listen in real time. ;)

So the next few weeks are going to be killer. I have to do a Cost Analysis of the school and determine what tuition and fees should be so that the school is never running at a deficit if we do not have enough boarders enrolled. I wont really be able to start on that until this weekend because my boss still hasn't given me the information I need to do this analysis. I told her I need it by the weekend because this weekend is a long weekend and we don't come back to work until Wednesday next week. If I only got it that day, it would only give me a week to get it done. If I get it on Friday, I would have the long weekend to work on it as well. I also have to finish a brochure and find tutoring centres and call them to ask if we can send them brochures and to whom we address the package to. So far I have 12 found and I need to find at least 10 more and then find Child Psychologists as well. At least I wont have to call them I will just have to get the information of the internet.

Well my webinar starts in 30 mins so I'm off to refill my coffee and pull up a good leg workout.

Oh God.



I haven't felt like this for a long time. I'm panicky, anxious, irritable and I feel like I could cry if someone looks at me wrong.




I feel overloaded, burdened and lost. I can't focus on any one thing at a time and the last thing I want to do is anything. I just want to lay on my couch, in my PJs with my cat. Not necessarily watching TV or doing anything just being in that scenario is the only thing that's appealing.

Work is just starting to kill me. I have so many little tiny tasks to do for last week that are all urgent and require my immediate attention by each person who has given me the assignment. I'm just trying to stay afloat and make it to the end of the week. I know that I'll be working over the next few weekends. There's no doubt about it. I won't go into every minute thing I have to do. I don't want to bore you all with these trivial things. I just need to get these emotions out because I don't know where else to get them out.

I don't have an outlet. I want to get back to the gym but my schedule just isn't permitting me to. I know what you're all thinking. I'm just making excuses and that I will have the time if I make the time. Blah blah blah. I'm just so worn at the end of the day that adding to my schedule just seems like I would break. I found out yesterday that covering for the secretary Tues-Thurs is actually a permanent thing this year. When I was asked to do this because her babysitter quit on her 2 weeks before school started, I took this on thinking it would be something that would need to be done until she found a new one. I guess she couldn't find a new sitter or daycare that wasn't full for the year already. But I'm not sure if she was even looking after the school year started. So I don't get home from work until 6, three days a week. If I went to the gym, I wouldn't be home until 8:30 at the earliest, and D is always passed out by then. So I don't see my hubby. You know it all. Update: the secretary leaves in the middle of the afternoon to pick her son up from school.

T's baby shower is this Saturday and I haven't done a thing for it yet. I know I'm baking French macarons.



That's it.




No games planned. No other food or bits and bites.                                  Nothing.

I don't know why I feel so overwhelmed and helpless.

I'm going to get back to work. Time to put the fake smile back on.

Update

So I chose a dress. One I kinda forgot I had. See picture:

So I had to buy a necklace for it as I didn't have one that was formal enough. Being a woman does suck. So tomorrow is hair and mani.

I wasn't really able to actually do lettuce and water. That was a bit of an exaggeration. I did retain water this week but this morning I came down with a tummy bug. Basically it was like I took a whole lot of lax. No more lumpy tummy.

I'll post again tomorrow when I'm all done up to show you all the finished product.

Oh what colour should I do my nails?? I am wearing black with nude shoes and clutch and my jewelry is gold with nude-y pink accents.

Let me know!!!!!

Well then...

Soo. Good news.

I didn't have to buy that dress after all. Since it would be impossible to get. Yay saved money!!!






Until this morning....




I just found out I have to go to a gala this weekend with work.         I don't have a dress.....


So. I'm raiding T's and my sister's closet tonight to try to avoid buying something. Next step is to book a hair appointment and my nails. I'm doing my best to find a dress that will work with a pair of gold glitter pumps (closed toe) so I don't have to get a pedicure. That will save me at least $30. Hair if I can get it booked, can be done for around 50$ because it wont be an updo just a styling. Make-up I'll do myself.

So ideally, all I will have to spend for this gala is parking, and $80-ish for esthetics.

On a similar note, I'm not eating for the rest of the week so I look fabulous for this thing. Only lettuce and water.

Managing

Hello lovelies,

So things still feel empty and lonely, but D's assistant has returned to work so he should be working less now than he has been for the last 2 months. But the habits have formed and he's still passing out early in the evening and not making it up to bed. I have told him how much I have missed him and just feel that I'm not really a priority for him.

I want to thank Miranda for her comment on my last post. I'm not sure if you saw my reply, but I needed that tough love. It really opened my eyes to snap out of it and to really work at pulling myself out of that destructive spiral. Please e-mail me Miranda so we can have a chat over budgeting. tkaye03@gmail.com

One of the "pen pals" I have has recently relapsed from almost a year of recovery. She texted me last night saying that she couldn't hold on anymore an that things were just falling apart and that she had slipped back because it was the only thing constant and guaranteed in her life. I feel so bad for her because she was able to spend a year living a normal life, back at school found an amazing boyfriend and took up running that introduced her to a whole new social circle. I have been so proud of her and it's hard for me to see her slip back into this mess. I've told her that I will support her and comfort her during all this but if things get scary, I have to voice my opinion. I'm hoping it's just the stress of her exams and her hesitation of finishing her law degree. I just hope she will be ok.

This week I'm taking things really slowly. I'm trying to keep my school day intake to under 300 cals and then dinner under 500 for a max intake of 800. I've been doing little workouts in my office when I need a good stretch so I'm not sedentary all day long. I don't burn much but it's something and it's getting me back in the habit of being active. My goal is to start going to the gym again by mid November. My work schedule and my driving schedule with D is starting to even out again so I will be able to really build a schedule. I just have to talk to D about our meals and that he will have to cook while I'm at the gym.

I'm currently freaking out over J's choice for a bridesmaid dress. It's gorgeous. It's a black dress with a lace overlay from Banana Republic's Monogram Collection. She decided on Wednesday that it was the dress she wanted and because it's in the stores now for the holidays it's going fast. So, T (who is 7 months pregnant) and I thought it was a little too sudden on cost and early for fittings and such sucked it up (because it was what the bride wanted) and went to go try it on/buy it but found out that it's only available in the stand-alone stores, not the ones in the malls. In other words, nowhere in Ottawa. We would have to go to Toronto or Montreal. So the girls in MTL are buying them today and are going to see if they can order dresses for T and I for when we're down at the end of November for K's engagement party. T will be 2 weeks from her due date (still unable to try things on properly) and will have to guess at a size and who knows if the dress will still be in stock in a month. Since the other girls are buying the dress today, J has said that worst case scenario, T and I can wear just plain black satin dresses. What a way to make us feel like we suck and can't do anything. Then it runs into a problems how this black satin dress is going to look with the other dress and what cut, and style J will want. It's getting way too complicated too early and it's really stressing me out. The funny thing is, is that since T and I said that we can't buy the dress here in Ottawa, J hasn't responded to any of the texts that have been circulating.

Well here's to saving up $220 for a dress in the next couple of weeks and being stuck at weighing whatever I am at at that time. Oh well.

Anyways, off to work I go. I'm taking new photos of the school to update our marketing materials. Oh speaking of the school, could you all follow this link and watch the video on Dr. Agatha Sidlauskas and vote for her by the end of the day?? She's in the running for the People's Choice award from the Amazing Person of 2012. We need all the votes we can get. You can't vote multiple times with one e-mail but use any e-mail you can and please pass it on!

http://ottawa.ctvnews.ca/features/amazing-people