Maintained

So I'm still at 136.2. I'm not phased though. I'm still doing the fast 5 (fasting all day then eating a very clean low cal dinner at about 5:30). But I'm also paying attention to my body. I've had maybe 900 cals all week. I got up from my desk a couple times this morning and felt very woozy and light headed. Things were spinning a bit too. So I went down for lunch as today's meal was baked fish; had half a piece and a small salad with no dressing. I couldn't finish it. My stomach has shrunk and is not used to very much food in it. Even though I ate something mid-day, knowing that I don't feel like a bottomless pit is a good thing. I got some protein in myself and some veggies. This should hopefully tide me over until lunch tomorrow. I'm spending most of the day at my parents' making strawberry preserves and jam so I'll be expected to eat lunch and then a food filled weekend starts. So having a very small appetite is going to work in my favour!

So I only managed to spend 30 mins at the gym yesterday as D invited his assistant manager to stay for dinner. So I had to come home earlier than I had expected and cook so not to be rude (if I had left it to D the cals would have been WAY higher and not necessarily clean.

Tonight, I want to try to get to the gym again to make up for lost time but I have a house to clean and a closet to organize. At this point my closet has turned into a floor-drobe (read: my closet is on my floor). If I manage to get all that done tonight by a decent hour I will try to do a workout video or some callisthenics.

I also have to start making my official lists to pack for NJ. So far, thinking about it, we're going to have to spend at least $300 on D to fix up his wardrobe. He's lacking in shorts and swim trunks and his t-shirts are looking a little sorry and a lot have holes in them. He also needs new sneakers as the ones he has are falling apart and he will need flip flops for the beach. So this will add up. I think it's doable to get all this by the end of July and to restock his wardrobe the $300 is not horrible but I wish it wasn't necessary. We also have to buy toiletries and sunscreen so that will be a bit of money at the drug store. On top of all that, I have to restock my supplements and diet pills. Yay.

On my financials, I plan on taking my RRSPs from Costco and applying them to my credit card to help pay it off. I have about $1200 there and after taxes I should have about $1000 to apply to my credit. I just have to go through the arduous process of getting the money from Manulife. Yay...

Things are looking up

So I've managed to get to 136.2 from 139 at the beginning of the week. Making progress.

I sent D out for groceries on Tuesday and the list consisted of only fruits, veggies and some lean meats.

I've been fasting all day at work. An Americano in the morning with a bit of skim milk for breakfast and then just water and tea all day. I have a back-up banana or those quinoa crisps but I haven't gone to those yet. I did have some veggies yesterday at lunch because I was in a meeting with my boss that went over lunch but that was it. At home, I've made meals from Clean Eating. All the portions have been under 300 cals. Today, I'm going to up my dinner intake because my foot is better!!! Time to test out my new running shoes at the gym tonight!!

I came in second place in my office hockey pool. I won $54!! Saving that for some patio $$ on Saturday. I'm going on a double date with D and his coworker to the Byward Market to sit on a patio and people watch all night. And maybe partake in some alcohol beverages. Like I said in my last post, I will be spending my Father's day smoking a Turkey. Lean meat and self basted as it's on a spit but no extra grease or oil added to it. My Aunt is bringing some Quebec strawberries for dessert. I'm quite excited. They're very tiny and extremely sweet and tasty. Very different from Ontario strawberries.

I've found a website that will ship OxyElite Pro to Canada but the shipping is 30$! it would cost me nearly 80$ to ship ONE bottle! I'm not sure if it's worth it. I've heard only good things about the results OxyElite has but I'm not really willing to pay $80 to ship it from the US. Thoughts??

Anyways, I should get back to work. I need to figure out how the hell I'm going to fill 15 spots before the end of the summer. We need to get at least another $300,000 in tuition and fees. Anyone from the states know of anyone looking for a boarding school for this year (ages 6-15)???? Nah don't worry I'm just being silly.

Hello all lovelies!

So I did manage to maintain this weekend until yesterday/saturday night. I went to my parents' on Friday since my dad had been away on business all week and had just returned. My mom made home made ribs and pad thai. It's really awesome and probably I share this with my dad at being one of our favourite meals my mom makes. We then finished off dinner with some fresh Ontario strawberries (my favourite season!). I skipped the cream and just had them plain. I didn't want to overpower the sweetness of local fruit. Saturday, I went to the nursery with my mom and grandmother and helped them get things for their gardens. We went back to my parents' and I helped out in the garden (as much as my foot would allow me to) and did the cooking and tidying while I couldn't be working. We had burgers for lunch (I skipped the top bun and the slaw and chips) but then my grandparents came over for dinner and my mom made home made pasta and sauce. I think my mom thinks I'm skinny or something because she's giving me servings that match D. I don't see how she can think that because I'm sitting back at what I was before the wedding and she was criticizing me about my weight. Sunday wasn't too bad though. I didn't have breakfast, but I had a tall coffee frap light from Starbucks and then went to the beach. I spent about an hour blowing up balloons and then climbing trees to tie the balloons to them to help T get ready for the party. The food was all great (obvs because it's T) veggies, fruit, lots of water, and little wraps with only mustard. I had lots of veggies and lots of water. I got super burnt yesterday so I'm trying to nurse my shoulders to a point where I can wear a normal bra again (currently sporting a strapless) let alone a sports bra. I got back home and immediately applied aloe gel to the burns and then got changed to go to the movies with D and my cousin. D wanted to go to a patio for a beer before hand so I had a drink with him and my cousin. I didn't get any food at the theatre (woo hoo!) and only had my water. We saw Prometheus. OMG it was amazing! I suggest you go see it in IMAX (it's 3D but the 3D doesn't do anything) it is gorgeous and they calibrated the sound to make full use of the speakers! The theatre SHOOK at points in the movie. It was a great experience.

I bought new running shoes on Friday too. I have a pair of Saucony's now rather than Asics. I found that Asics dig too much into my feet at various points. These shoes feel like I'm almost not wearing anything!! Can't wait to give them a go in the gym this week!

So today, no food. Well I have a gluten/sugar/dairy/egg free wafer that's sectioned into 4 pieces. One wafer is 100 cals. So if I'm DYING (since I haven't fasted in ever) I can have a 25 cal nibble. I'm not even going to eat when I get home. No matter what D says. I've already taken my pills (thermogenic, diuretic, viatmin E + D, Omega 3-6-9 and chromium pilconate) which will put my stomach off for a couple of hours since it's alot to process. I also have a venti Americano with no milk I'll be nursing this morning. I plan on having at least 3L of water before I leave work today and I have my arsenal of teas for back up as well.

This weekend is yet ANOTHER food-centric weekend. Saturday I'm helping my mom make strawberry jam and compotes (read: local strawberries) and then I'm going downtown to sit on a patio with D and his work buddy and his girlfriend. I plan on doing a salad with no dressing that day because...Sunday, my whole family is coming up for Father's Day to smoke a turkey. Sunday will be my undoing. I will have to stay away from the nibblings that will be laid out as the turkey turns on the spit.

I really need this injury to heal faster. I want to get to the gym ASAP as my weight is just going higher and higher and higher because I'm not on my feet for 8 hours a day anymore. I think I will be bringing my lunches with me to work from now on. I don't know what they put in the food here but I can't control it and even the dressing for the salads are too high cal. I asked for beets to be put in the salad bar (double use as dressing) but they wont because they don't want to stain the kids' uniforms. So here on out, bringing my own lunches (read: more like snacks) to work. I need to drop these gained lbs in the next 4 weeks before New Jersey. I know I can TOTALLY do it. I just have to take control and not eating work food is step 1.

Well I should get to work lovelies, I have to close admissions for the coming year.

Hello my lovelies!

Sorry for being M.I.A lately. I've been trying to post for the last week and a bit. It's just been too busy at work and I haven't had the house to myself in a while to be able to blog at home.

So. I spiked up to 138 on the weekend and that pretty much was a huge slap in the face. I went with my parents to their gym for a circuit class. It was awesome. I kept up (with what exercises didn't aggravate my shoulder) and did really well. I was sore for a couple days afterwards because I hadn't done anything that vigorous in ages. However, my running shoes have gone to crap. I have this awful knot in the arch of my right foot. and it's protruding too so I can't wear much else except for flip flops and one pair of flats. I can only buy new shoes this weekend after I get paid so I haven't been able to get to the gym since Saturday with the crazy hurting foot and bad shoes that would only make the problem worse if I used them again. So I'm going to the Running Room on Saturday to get fitted for a good pair of shoes that wont aggravate my knees and keep my feet supported.

I've managed this week already to drop 2.4 lbs. I know 2 were water weight since I lost it in a day. But I lost 0.4 the next day and I'm sitting steady there the last day or so. I haven't eaten out once this week (small victory) and I haven't had the hot meal here at the school. I've stuck with a small salad with lots of veggies and a handful of cherries to snack on throughout the day. At home, I've had a protein heavy meal with steamed veggies. I'm trying to keep carbs at a low.

My mom is taking me and my sister out of Indian food tonight, so today I'm only having my coffee, tea, water and salad at lunch. I didn't bring a snack with me so I can make up for the calories for tonight. Tomorrow will be a repeat and for dinner I probably won't have any. If I do, it will just be a salad or some steamed veggies.

I hope to be in the 134 range by this weekend. T is having a surprised birthday party for her husband on Sunday. It's not a bad thing, but it's at the beach. It will be a lot of fun, but I don't want to be out there in my bathing suit. I'm not ready yet. If I can drop down another 2lbs by Sunday I think I'll be able to live with myself. Until then, I'm wishing for rain so it's moved to her house.

So I have about a month and a half to save up $$ to go to New Jersey with. I got my latest municipal tax bill so D and I have to toss down another $1600 before the end of the month. Hopefully I can get some good $$ down on my credit card before then. I have been able to keep a good $250 available on it at any given time. Better than being maxed out. Hopefully I can get it down another $1000 before I leave for vacation. 3 pay cheques should allow me to do just that. I hope D has been saving his pennies too for the trip. We won't be doing much shopping but we're going to pay for dinner one night (if we can get our credit cards to the waiter in time before my dad does) and we'll want to pitch in for groceries and booze.

I also want to get my hair cleaned up before I go away. I'm currently trying to let it grow out, but my fringe is at a weird length and the ends just look untidy. My layers are grown out and are making the bottom of my hair look heavy. I'm not sure if I'm going to colour it or not (I'd like to) but I have to see what my wallet says when the time comes around. But just freshening up the cut works for me as well.

I do have to say that I need some more shorts. I had to donate the ones I had last year because they were too big. I just haven't found a good pair that fits nicely. I don't want to spend tons of cash on shorts, but the only ones that have fit me nicely so far have been over $100. I just can't justify that. I have my eye on a pair of white jeans from the same store that are only $30 more than the shorts. How does THAT work?? My packing list looks like this:

Linen pants, 5 dresses, 4 plain t-shirts, jeans, 3 bikinis, skirt, sandals, flip flops, 2 light sweaters, running shorts, yoga pants, gym shirts and my running shoes. All I would like to add to that is a pair of jean shorts. But I look to be good with what I already have.

Well back to work I go. I have acceptance packages to get done in the next hour!

Well...Ya...

So I did super well Friday. Friday night I had a Donair (super salty and I was up all night trying to process the sodium). I retained a shit-ton of water and spent the day drinking water and coffee trying to get rid of the water weight. I did have a small veggie omelette for brunch on Saturday and then a cookie in the afternoon from Subway. Saturday night I went out with my cousin's girlfriend and some of her friends for dinner and drinks. I ended up having the veggie Pad Thai. It had loads of veggies and more bean sprouts than noodles but the sauce probably topped off the calories on that. I had a belini and a glass of white wine with dinner and then a vodka cranberry at the bar. On the way back from the bar, the girls stopped at McDonald's, they offered to buy me something (I paid one girl's cover) but I declined. I did have 5 fries but better than having a meal or anything.

The next morning, my aunt and uncle made a big breakfast for all of us. I had a croissant and a 2 egg omelette with veggies a tiny bit of cheese and 2 strips of bacon. I didn't eat anything else until we got home yesterday afternoon. I did have a Peach Snapple in the car, when we picked up this awesome focaccia pizza at my favourite deli in Montreal. When we got home I ate what would be the equivalent of 3 slices of pizza (1/4 slab) and then had an apple, some crackers and then I just guzzled water all night. I know it doesn't sound like a lot that I ate, but I woke up this morning and weighed in at 137. I definitely cried. I haven`t seen that number on the scale since before Christmas (minus period bloat). I'm so close to 140 again it's scaring me.

I'm not going down for lunch today. I have my water, tea and about 2 cups of cantaloupe and about 6 packs of gum. I'm going to the gym tonight no matter what. I have my gym bag beside me as I type. I've been slacking in the workout department. I have been 100% sedentary, which is probably why I've been gaining like crazy and not being able to lose.

This week is going to be pretty uneventful. D and I are doing a double date with T and her husband. We're going for dinner and then going to see Snow White and the Huntsman. I'm still on the fence for the movie. I love Chris Hemsworth and Charlize Theron, but Kristen Stewart...I can't stand her. I hope she's not SO much of a focal point. I don't think I could sit through a movie where she doesn't emote one bit. Anyways, Saturday is going to be a task of figuring out what the hell I can eat at whatever restaurant we go to. Friday I have a work-ish thing. It's an Alumni pub night for the school I work at. I'm going as staff and as Alum so it will be interesting. But once again, cocktails and probably finger foods.

Anyways, I'm getting back to work. I have a lot to do.

Baby steps, when added up, take you miles

I'm so proud of myself this morning. I woke up at 136 and thought to myself, "Enough of this. I'm better than this." I told myself I would stick to under 500 cals today with only milk in my coffee. I packed myself an apple and 1.5L of water for work today. When I went to Starbucks, I passed up on the pastries (which I had an insane craving for). What made me even prouder (is that a word??) this morning, I was in the staff room and the kitchen brought in almond croissants and cupcakes as a Friday "treat" and I packed up my things and went back to my office. Without any pastry. It was hard. I looked at everything and all my co-workers taking from the tray and stuffing themselves with the food. My sweet tooth has been absolutely insane these last few days and all I want to do is cater to it. I've become addicted to sugar again. I need to kick the habit and really get my ass in gear. Baby steps. That's all I can say to myself. I did well in passing up something, which I'm still craving.

After work today, I'm getting a manicure and then D and I are packing up and heading to Montreal. Hopefully I can keep making these little milestones and come out on top after the weekend. I hope to be back at 134 by the time I wake up Monday morning. Nothing huge, but something showing me I'm on the right track. My tea on my desk is going to be my go-to for my mid-afternoon sweet tooth. I'm thinking of my jellybean tea (15 cals) and then I'll be having a booster juice while I'm at my mani.

On another note, I've been watching my stats lately. My daily readership is up. I guess I'm doing something right that people are reading this, but it's so quiet here, if I didn't see my followers and the daily stats I would think no one reads. I want to say, however quiet you all are I appreciate that you all still take the time to read my ramblings as repetitive or mundane as they are.

Anyways lovelies, I should actually do some work today to make the day go by a little faster for tonight. Wish me luck.

Yes I'm FAT

Gross.
Ignore the mess

Hello lovelies.

So I'm just losing control. I'm on a runaway gain-train. I'm heading to Fatsville and everything is falling to crap.

I'm so lethargic and apathetic it's taking over my life. My house is in shambles (yes I still haven't cleaned it yet) my finances are horrid (still have those maxed out credit cards and they wont be paid off any time soon) and my intake is just atrocious (ate horribly all long weekend). I don't know where this downward spiral is coming from and it scares me to death. I feel as though I've lost all control and I don't know how to get it back.

This weekend, I ate out Saturday night. I didn't eat all day then had a burger and fries at a pub then got DQ for dessert. Sunday I ate junk most of the day after working in the yard for a good 3 hours then ate ribs, nachos, smoked fish and drank lots of wine at a BBQ at a neighbour's. Monday, I ate out again (only a salad but lots of dressing on it an half a pear and brie sandwich) then another BBQ with ribs and pasta salad. Yesterday started off great then I ate half a box of Triscuits then D made home made philly cheese steak sandwiches. I didn't bother weighing myself because my new work pants were hard to zip up this morning. I'm huge, I'm gross and I can't stop. I can't sleep because I'm panicking from my days intake and then the stress from not doing anything is making everything worse.

Even if I wanted to try to fix things this week(end) I can't. I'm going to Montreal to visit my cousins and some friends and celebrate my cousin's birthday. There's a big UFC fight on Saturday night and a bunch of guys are getting together. So. Cue in pizza, booze, chips, wings and whatever fatty-greasy-grossnesses you can think of. The girls are planning on escaping for a mini girls' night but that costs $$ and will involve processed foods and booze as well. I can't win. And since I'm staying at my Aunt and Uncle's there will be massively huge breakfasts both mornings. I'm getting anxious just thinking about it. I don't want to go but I know my cousins really want me there.

I hung out with T on Monday and we were talking about all sorts of stuff and the topic of body image came up (as it typically does with us). She's pregnant again so she's worried about gaining too much but still trying to live normally and keep up her activity level as the baby grows. She started dishing out compliments and stuff as I was saying I need to get to the gym (as I've probably bored you all to tears with by now) and that I have too much fat on me. I got the whole blah blah blah you're not fat, you look great, you have great curves blah blah blah. I hate being humoured and I despise people trying to placate me. She's 3 months pregnant with a bump already and she still fits into size 4/5 pants. I'm lucky these days to squeeze into a 6. I'm tired of being the biggest out of our group. I'm tired of being the squishiest. I'm sick not measuring up to the rest of my friends. I don't even know why I even bother trying any more.

Whatever.

Sorry for posting this but I had to get it out. Thanks for reading this if you got this far. I hope not to post depressing stuff after this. I don't like posting this stuff but I can't pretend my life is perfect.